Dear Diary

I know I didn’t write for a couple days but I’ve been busy. My best friend still needs distance but It’s ok. I felt pretty good the last few days. Of course I miss her but I guess drawing and writing helps me. Maybe it sounds weird but since we broke up I feel like I finally have my Imagination and Inspiration back. I have so many Ideas in my head. I wanna put them on paper. In most of my lunch breaks I just sit in the cafeteria at our school, drawing and listening to music. It makes me calm down and I forget everything around me. I love it. 

I finally could bring myself up to start writing a new story. Actually I wanna write a book. It’s kind of personal but not exactly the same. You have to find the balance. I showed it to a few people and they loved it. They said if I’m gonna write more I need to send them everything. It made me very happy and I smiled. It still does. I put a lot feelings of mine into my drawings and stories and it makes me really happy when people appreciate or understand it. I want them to understand my thoughts without saying a word. 

Sometimes when I sit in the bus I like watching people. Not in the weird way I just try to figure out what’s going on in their mind. I think that eyes say a lot about someone’s personality. Most of the people look tired, stressed or just unhappy. It makes me kinda sad seeing everyone like that. I wonder if humans were always like that or if it’s just in our time where everyone is in rush, have their own problems and don’t care about others.  I don’t know.

Tonight I’m going to the theater with some of my classmates and I hope that I can enjoy it. I really do. Because I still feel the pressure on my chest but it’s not that heavy anymore. I know that it’s all about me if I wanna get better. People can help and listen but in the end it’s all about how you make your brain think. Not that easy as it sounds but I’m still trying it. Day by day I become a little bit better. I’m still worried that I could feel like a half year ago but it gets easier. 

I’m alive. I’m breathing. That’s the only thing that matters. 

I gotta go now.

– Lovelyn.

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