I’m the worst friend. Like for real. I’m crying right now and just smoked my last cigarette. I know everyone’s angry at me because I cancelled tonight. My best friend and I are done. I’m so sorry and I understand her because this time it’s all my fault. I told her to leave me alone. Here’s the last part of the conversation
Her: You really think you’ll get better when you sit home alone and watch tv. You’re old enough to know it won’t get better like that. You were always important to me but in the last time you showed me that you don’t care about me.
Me: Please leave me alone. Maybe the past half year since we went to another school was just wasted time. You’ll probably never talk to me again but I just wanted you to know that I want to be friends with you I just can’t. Yeah that’s it. Bye.
Her: After these words you’re dead to me.
Me: I know.
I don’t know why I’m crying because that’s what I wanted. I always wanted to do that because I know it doesn’t make sense if we’d still be friends because I only give her pain. I know that she had a rough time but she’s happy now and I don’t want to destroy it. She’s better without me. Always thought about writing this to her but when I actually pressed the sending button it became real and it made me realize how much I love her and that she means the world to me. But I hope someday she’ll understand it because for now we’re done. For real.