Some long nights

 Dear diary

Right now I’m at my friends house. She’s having a home party and everyone is quite drunk or high. Me too.  I had to take my medications but I took way more than I should and now I can’t sleep. My body is giving up but my mind is awake. Most of the people are going home now but I’m staying in the living room. It’s weird writing at a friend’s house. I don’t know why but I’m thinking way too much. Right now I’m just sad but I don’t want to be. I know that only myself can change the way I feel. That means I have to think positive. I think I’m worried about a friend. Her mom died of cancer and her that dad… well he’s not really in a good situation. She’s very sad and I appreciate it that she’s talking to me. I won’t judge her or anything like that. My brain won’t stop talking but I can’t help it  I feel like I have to draw or write something but when I do nothing happens. Suddenly I just miss my best friend and want to talk to her but I know I can’t. She’s not a part of my life anymore. Well, I know it’s my own fault. I’m sorry I guess I’m quite wasted. Im trying my best to write normal but it’s not that easy. Ok. Two days ago I went to our school theater and I was really impressed because of the main character. He made it look so easily even if he cried on stage. It touched me and I can say that this doesn’t happen very much. I think I fell in love with him. He’s not super hot or totally cool. None of that. He’s shy and just gorgers. Like really gorgerous. He’s not arrogant or something like that. A beautiful creature. 

The last few days I realized that I won’t get better in a few days or weeks. It takes a long time but I’m sure I WILL get better because I want to. I’m not weak anymore and I’m really trying my best. To be honest I’m a little bit proud of myself and I hope this feeling will last. I gotta go now because I still wanna try to get some sleep.



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March 29, 2013

You should be proud. x