Its been a while and today its hitting me hard. It’s been hard because I lost someone important to me and all I can think about is how I lost his baby.
I cried my eyes out last night over my miscarriage for the first time in a long time. A very heavy long cry that made me curl in on myself in my bed. I had a box of tissues besides me and was on the phone with a different ex who has been my best friend.
“let it out”.
“I know it hurts”
All the things he said made me cry more and harder than I have been able to in a long time. And he allowed me to reflect on my last relationship.
The father of the miscarried baby up and left me on my own saying I, “wasn’t getting better”. It was exactly a week after miscarriage and I was still bleeding and grieving.
I still am grieving all these months later and it has gotten easier to handle the emotions but tears spring to my eyes whenever I think of my baby.I miss them.
I’m trying to recognize that its okay to feel this way.
Today I might pamper myself or find more ways to relax. I might just lay in bed curled up since I’m depressed. I think about the baby and then I think about my ex and end up cursing myself for getting pregnant in the first place when I know its not my fault.
He shouldn’t have abandoned me just because I wasn’t getting better emotionally in the way he wanted and I think he was selfish.