I’m so depressed lately and I don’t even know why.
I used to write on here, but I stopped when my husband found my account.
It’s been several years now & I…just need an outlet.
I can’t talk to anyone in my family. They just blow me off, make it seem like I’m seeking attention. It’s not attention I need. It’s a sense of purpose.
If I talk to my husband about the horrendous thoughts that don’t leave me alone, he will also think I’m seeking attention or he will have me admitted.
I need to see a counselor again. I think I need to just stop being so fucking stubborn and start taking meds.
I’ve gotten two big promotions at work since March, which is great, yes. However, the stress that comes with my new position is not something I was prepared for. The extra money is definitely a plus, and it’s nice to not have to that constant fight anymore. But it’s always something.
I hardly sleep anymore…or I sleep too much. I have no motivation to clean the house, go anywhere, hang out, do anything I enjoy. I don’t even want to go out and take nature pics, which is my favorite thing to do.
The hardest part is knowing I feel this way but not being able to pin point *why* I feel this way. Nothing happened to make me feel this way. It’s just here and I can’t shake it. And I fucking hate it.
I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to break things, I want to swerve off a cliff, I want to feel alive, I feel everything, I feel nothing.
I want to be unalive.