30 day challenge day 20

30 day challenge:day 20 – a letter to the one that broke your heart the hardest.

This letter is to an old friend/ex boyfriend. We’d known each other since childhood. We dated in high school, broke up, lost touch and then met back up in adulthood. He later died. 

Kenny, 

You’ve given me alot of happy memories and alot of sad ones. When we were friends as kids I never should have imagined we would get together in high school. We were the iconic couple everyone knew of. My nickname had always been “Barbie” because I was told I looked like a California barbie doll. Then you came back into my life and suddenly we were “Ken and Barbie”. You were my first real boyfriend. You treated me so good and you were so shy it was cute. I never would have thought you’d later choose being popular with the bad yet popular kids over being with me. I gave you an ultimatum to stop hanging out with the drug dealer or I couldn’t be with you. You choose him. I was brokenhearted! I cried alot and missed you terribly. Eventually we lost touch. I moved on, had a baby, got married. You also had a baby and got married. I thought of reaching out to you at one point but didn’t know how to get ahold of you. Many years later we found each other on Facebook. You told me how much you regretted the decision you made in high school and that you should have been the father of MY baby and me the mother of yours. You told me how awful your marriage was and how you wished we’d be together. And when you needed a place to stay months later I picked you up and was happy to see where things could lead after my awful divorce. Little did I know I’d see disgust in your eyes when you laid eyes on me again after many years. I was no longer the beautiful barbie doll that you once knew. I had put on alot of weight and was so self conscious of it especially knowing I would be seeing you after all the “I love you’s” and “I miss you’s” you showered on me online. I was afraid you wouldn’t be attracted to me and you insisted you always would be. But you were wrong! The look in your eyes broke my heart. You changed your tune real quick. Suddenly you wanted to take things slow and you didn’t want to be close to me. Turns out that even though it hurt like hell it was for the best. Because what you didn’t tell me was that you were a terrible alcoholic. I started finding empty bottles of vodka everywhere. You started showing your true self soon after. You were drunk all the time and I couldn’t take it anymore. If you wanted to ruin your life then there was nothing I could do to stop you but you sent going to ruin mine too and especially not my kids. When it was time to move I told you you couldn’t come with me. I told you we could be friends but you couldn’t live with me any longer. Your life went down hill from there. We started drifting apart again. You were in and out of the hospital due to you drinking the way you were with your diabetes. Your body was shutting down but you wouldn’t get help. And then the call came that you died. It was the third time you broke my heart! I took your death harder than any others in my life. I cried so very much and still do sometimes! I love who you were beneath the alcohol and I’ll always remember the good times and I’ll always miss you!

 

That was who broke my heart on multiple occasions. I’m glad he’s no longer killing himself drinking away his life but I’m also sad that he did just that! He drank away his life. Never mix alcohol with diabetes especially large quantities!

This afternoon after learning my mom’s I went and got my hair cut finally. It was way overdue! Then I ran to Sam’s Club and got my water and pop. I just need either my son or my daughter to come unload it from my trunk. I can’t carry it.

Oh and yesterday I went to get that sensor fixed in my tire so that the tire pressure light would go off. It’s normally $90 but he offered to do it for $65 since I bought my tires from him. A little while later when he’s done they tell me that the tire pressure light won’t shut off, that their reader is saying it’s a computer issue. So I’m thinking great,  I’m spending $65 on something for absolutely no reason because that sensor only matters for the tire pressure light. Luckily the guy felt bad and offered it to me at his cost, only $30. I appreciated that but still am upset. That light hadn’t come on to stay until that tire broke along with the sensor. It wasn’t an issue until then so why now? It’ll stay that way now because I’m not getting that fixed. And since I saved money on that I can now afford to take my son for a birthday dinner next week. So at least that came of it! They did however manage to get my “maintenance” light off. It’s been on for 3yrs because no one could get it off after it alerted me to time for an oil change back then. When I told the mechanic he said his people could probably figure it out and sure enough they did. So I exchanged one light for another. Oh well, not gonna cry about it! The car runs great! I take care of all the maintenance that’s needed to keep it in good shape. A mechanic once told me that it’ll last many years as long as I do the routine maintenance the way I am. I hope that’s true!

I came home this afternoon and ate leftover ham and hashbrown casserole and am now watching TV and relaxing with Tito. I’m waiting on my Cool Whip to thaw out so I can make my Eggnog Mousse Parfaits. Not sure what I’m doing for dinner tonight yet. Depends on how hungry I am later. I might just pick on stuff since I ate lunch. I don’t usually eat lunch. When I do I don’t usually get hungry enough for dinner. 

Anyway, I guess that’s all today. Hope everyone is having a great day!

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I miss my ex too …I almost married him too🤔😘

3 weeks ago

@zombieinfusedtea Oh, I never almost married him. And I miss him mostly as a friend. And how he was when he didn’t drink. 

3 weeks ago

My husband and I had a good friend in college who had terrible diabetes and became an alcoholic. He died very, very young — I think he was only 23 or 24. It was the saddest funeral you ever saw, with his fraternity brothers and we sorority little sisters all passing by his casket. I got the impression that he very intentionally drank himself to death because he couldn’t deal with his disease.

3 weeks ago

@darkmadonna That’s awful! I’m sorry to hear that. Kenny died in his 30’s. He found out he had diabetes after he’d started drinking. He just never stopped. 

3 weeks ago

I can just imagine that awful look when you saw each other again.  I wish you could have recaptured what you had without the alcohol and with him adoring who you are.  Gee all of a sudden I have the sniffles.  “wink”  Hope you’re having a good night.  Nice to have the kids available to help with the heavy lifting.  I can’t do it either.  😎

3 weeks ago

I never heard of egg nog mousse hope it tastes super good