Second chances

30 day challenge: day 22 – writer a letter to someone you want to give a second chance to.

There’s no one I WANT to give a second chance to. However there is someone who I AM giving a second chance to. My brother Jay stole my expensive camera and sold it for heroin. He stole my pain medication on several occasions and he also totaled my car in the brief time he was sober. He is currently clean and has been for a year and a half now. I already wrote a letter to him in the beginning of this challenge but I’ll write a short one here. 

Jay, 

You really hurt me when you stole my expensive camera that I kept from when I had my photography business. It was important to me even though I rarely used it anymore. It also hurt that you knowingly left me to go into withdrawl because you wanted my pain meds to trade for heroin. You know best what withdrawl feels like and you subjected me to that simply to get what you wanted. I had to learn that it’s not really YOU, it’s the drugs. You became a different person when on heroin. I didn’t recognize you as the brother I’d always known and loved. I’m so glad you finally got clean and stayed clean. It’s nice to see you working hard and having a real life. It’s nice seeing you have a place to live and a truck to drive not to mention having possessions again after you pawned all your previous belongings. I’ve forgiven you and I’m glad to have you in my life again. Keep up the great work! I love you!

My cousin on my biological father’s side of the family reached out to me last night on Facebook messenger. She remembered about a time when we were kids when I told her that my father did something bad to me but I couldn’t tell her what because she was too little and that I would tell her when she got older. I tried to beat around the bush at first but then finally just spit it out and told her the whole story. We’re friends on Facebook and we have the same views politically but she lives in another state so we don’t see each other. She felt really awful for me and kept apologizing that I had to go through that. I told her how several people in that side of the family called me a liar and pushed me away so I just disowned all of them. She said sadly she thought her mom, my aunt would be another one. I actually trusted my aunt and told her everything when my daughter was 2. She listened to me and was nice but she didn’t say whether she believed me or not. I always assumed she didn’t so my cousin telling me she probably wouldn’t believe me didn’t surprise me. I’m glad I know this now and not when I was more broken! I can handle knowing that now. My cousin did say that he gave her the creeps and she didn’t feel comfortable around him, that he seemed “off” in her opinion. So hopefully she truly does believe me. If she doesn’t then it’s no skin off my back. I know and God knows what he did to me and how I suffered and that’s all that really matters. 

Anyway, once again I’m staying home today and doing little stuff around the house, watching TV, and relaxing with my dogs. I finished watching In The Dark and now am starting Sweet Magnolias on Netflix. It seems pretty good so far. For dinner I’m making Bbq Pineapple Chicken Quesadillas. Tomorrow I think I’m going to try this recipe for a custard. It’s called Magic Custard with sliced strawberries. It looks good so I hope it tastes as good. That’s all though for today!