She’s got 2 sides

I recently learned some disturbing information about my friend Lilly. It seems she has 2 sides to her. She’s the sweetest, most big hearted person you’d ever meet. And apparently she can also be very mean and hurtful. I understand that Marty isn’t just her employer but also someone she’s had an on again off again relationship. However that doesn’t give her the right to talk to him the way she does. When he asked the other day what time she was coming in, her response was that she’d be there when she got there. When she’s irritable she takes it out on him. He obviously can’t do things for himself so we are paid to do those things for him. When she is in a mood she refuses to do things for him. Like the other night he asked her to help him to blow his nose. She refused and left him there for the night with a stuffed nose. He has a routine at night in preparation for bed. He has you wash his face and ears, then get him an iced water which he chugs all of, then he has a cigarette then his meds and another full iced water and then another cigarette. She goes in there in a mood and tired and rushes him through things and refuses to do the whole routine with him. At first I took all this info with a grain of salt because he’s been known to lie but sometimes he records her. He played me several recordings and I was appalled. I couldn’t believe it. She gets paid $50/ for an hour and a half to 2hrs of work. That’s about how long it takes to get him in bed and through his routine. And sometimes she goes there and is tired and wants out of there fast so she won’t do all she’s suppose to. It’s like she’s not acknowledging the fact that he’s her paying employer. She’s to do whatever needs done for him. I sure as well wouldn’t refuse him things that he needs or wants unless it’s detrimental to his health or mine. And I only get $40/ 5hrs. I know she’s been there for 6+years so I don’t care about the income difference. I’m grateful to get what I get for what I do but getting paid what she does should ensure that he is completely taken care of. I also know she has alot on her plate right now too. She’s been trying to take care of her grandma during the afternoons and weekends because she’s not doing well and her grandpa has been in and out of the hospital these last couple weeks. I know she’s tired going from being a caregiver to someone else in the weekday mornings to taking care of her grandma and then getting to Marty’s house at 10:30pm or so but that’s not his fault and he shouldn’t be treated that way. I won’t confront her about it because she’s quick to anger and I don’t want to hurt our friendship. All I can really do is my job and do it right. He needs to either talk to her about it or get someone else to take her place and he won’t do that because he still loves her and doesn’t want to hurt her. She knows the way he wants things done and he doesn’t want to have to train someone else to do it. 

I thought I might have a day off today but he said he needs me there today. I have a feeling it’s going to be full time at least for a little while. I’m handling it ok. It makes my days go by faster.

Well that’s all my friends. I’m going to take my dogs out and get my dinner bagged up and ready to go to work. Take care!

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Sounds like you are in a pickle. 🙁 Good luck!

July 19, 2021

You definitely deserve to be paid more.  You handle yourself with such dignity around him and Lily.  You have good instincts.  🙂