Some thoughts

After reading another’s entry on OD I got to thinking. I’m happy on my own… for the most part. I love that I  can do whatever I want, whenever I want and I don’t have to get another’s input or work around their schedule. I love that I don’t have to worry about what I look like because there’s no one to impress. I love that I don’t have to put up with someone else’s bad habits or deal with any of my pet peeves that they do. But I do miss the friendship, the partnership, the company (sometimes) and even the cuddling sometimes and kissing. However I have absolutely no interest in sex anymore. In fact it makes me feel anxious just thinking about it. I know that a relationship includes all the above and I think that is part of the reason why I want to stay alone. I couldn’t give that part of myself to anyone. There’s one man I love that I would consider a relationship with but I don’t think it could ever work out. He’s never been one to be all about sex, he’s been more the cuddle,and kiss kinda guy. But I think it would still be something he’d want. Right now I don’t have to worry about any of that because he’s a workaholic and has no time for me. It use to bother me alot that he can say he loves me so much but not have the time for me and him to have a life. But now it suits me just fine because I cannot commit completely to him anymore. I don’t know how or why I am anti sex now. I use to be a very sexual person. I’ve had many partners and up until about 2 years ago I loved having sex/making love. In fact when I hit 40 my sex drive was insane! I actually just ended up in a friend with benefits situation and it suited me perfectly! How did I end up like this? I guess it’s best I am alone. 

Anyway on to something else… Today I went to my mom’s and we sat on her porch in the cool comfortable air. It’s was getting ready for the rain and thunderstorms. I sat there and ordered myself the much needed clothes that I have been waiting on money to get. I also ordered my son his clothes last night so that’s done. I guess it’s best to order them instead of going to the mall to shop and get them there. I was going to do that but with the reduced capacity in most stores it’s hard to get in and shop. There are long lines and waits. I can’t stand in line for any length of time or my pain kicks up.

I also talked to my tattoo artist about what I want and what my son wants and found that they ate both extremely expensive! He does great work but boy is it pricey. But then again as I learned when I was young…a good tattoo is never cheap and a cheap tattoo is never good! I have to put away more money to add to what I have to get our tattoos. I told him to give me about 2 months. He said he’s booked into July right now so we might want to schedule soon so we don’t have to wait real long. I just want to make sure we have the money to get them and you never know what’s around the corner that will cost you. I have some important things to get for the house first, then we’ll see what’s left. 

Last night my smothered burritos with gravy can came out great. Very filling! I sent over 5 of them to my parents today. My mom ate one while I wad there and loved it. Tonight I’m making my favorite Bbq Pineapple Chicken Quesadillas tonight. I make them at least once a month. They’re so yummy!

Otherwise today I have not much to do. I have to run the vacuum and fold my son’s clothes that are in the dryer from yesterday. Other than that I just relax today watching TV and working on a puzzle. Kind of boring!

Oh and my daughter said the store called and said she can pick up my porch swing today. She’ll drop it by today. Now I just have to get someone to put it together for me and go buy the cushions. Then I’ll be spending a lot of time outside reading and relaxing. 

Well that’s it for today! Enjoy your day everyone!