I spoke with our new HR person yesterday. This limbo land that I am living in is making me anxious. She doesn’t know me from Adam, so I gave her my background and the circumstances that led me to her door. Mainly I needed to know if I would be eligible for unemployment if I leave. The answer to that is yes. She also brought up severance. Huh? I hadn’t really thought about that. I’m not so sure I will be eligible for severance, but she’s going to look into it. So I wait. Leaving this job would mean I give up the contribution to my 401k. It’s not a lot given my salary, but it’s something. And I will no longer have it once I leave.~~~Sleepy. Going to get coffee~~~OK back to it. H and I need to talk this through some more. We talked about it once or twice. He was ok with me leaving the job and having the summer with the kids. Then working again in the fall. He believes that I am going to find a TA job. My unconfident self does not believe that. And in sharp contrast to that last sentence – cubemate told me yesterday that former boss lady thinks I am smart. And said a lot of other nice things about me. That was a nice little confidence booster. I thanked cubemate for sharing that with me. I needed to hear it.
Wow – my head is in a million different directions right now. Who is the new guy? What to get D for her b-day? What to get H for b’day, f’day? My diet. My health. On and on and on…..
The Spade and Bourdain suicides have been weighing on me. H was rocked by Bourdain. And he doesn’t get rocked by much in the celeb world. It is said that with age comes wisdom. Leaving behind the stress of childhood and young adulthood is a relief – oh I left there long ago – I am simply remembering what is was like to want the things that celebs and all their money could buy. To live up to the self-induced pressure of trying to be like them. To have their stuff. I wouldn’t want any of it today. As is evidenced by current events, all the wealth and fame in the world does not make up for the lack of love for one’s self.