Don’t know what happened to me on Sat eve. I was a hormonal train-wreck. I don’t know where I am currently in my very irregular cycle. I used to be able to predict when I would be emotionally fragile. Now I can’t always predict it. It’s maddening. For me and my family. Anyway, I got so irritated at S and his impulsive behavior on Sat. I couldn’t handle it in any rational way. And I shouldn’t have been. I should have just stepped out of the situation and let H handle it. Instead I made him S cry. There was a plan for the evening – one of his friends (a neighbor boy) was to stay over. Well he shows up with the one boy plus another neighbor boy! Totally put H and I on the spot. And saw nothing wrong with it. As I said I was in no way emotionally equipped to handle 2 extra rambunctious boys in my house that night. The thought of that 3-some getting overtired and getting into their adolescent boy behavior and pissing off each other off sent my anxiety level through the roof. Had I been in a better frame of mind I might have just rolled with it. So after the boys went off to gather up their stuff for the sleep over I lost it on H. He said “you can say no”. To which I responded very curtly “so can you!”. He then said “but I don’t have a problem with it”. (to be clear – H was not excusing S’s behavior. But he planned to talk to S about it off-line). So I just got up from the movie we were watching with D and busied myself with cleaning up the kitchen and other stuff. I then made sure the boys had what they needed and I went to bed. H was on duty for the night. I don’t know what time they settled down. I got up early Sunday morning and went for a run. It was a cold but partly sunny morning. It was good to be in the woods. Helped my frame of mind tremendously. Came home from the run and started breakfast for everyone. H took over and I took a long hot shower.~~~~H’s libido has been at an all-time high. The increased exercise and better diet. I would be more than happy to oblige almost any time – but we have 2 middle school children and neighborhood kids in and out of our house. Just when are we supposed to have an enjoyable moment to ourselves? I can’t just turn it on and off the way he seems to be able to these days. Mostly on. He gets so mad when I turn him down. He says I just don’t want it. Bullshit. When I did make and attempt – the kids were ensconced in activities – he turns me down!! Is it a control thing? Ugh I really despise this entry!