bad dream…

I woke up last night at 4:45 AM because of a bad dream. But it wasn’t a normal kind of bad dream… it was one of those that you feel like you must be dreaming and you do what ever it is you can to wake yourself up… than you just give up and go with the flow…

Well… My dream was Marc and I had a baby, it was under a year old, and I was pregnant with our second. We went on vacation and camping. Got home and everything seemed fine…. One night after our trip we did our loving ritual before we went to sleep and he said he felt weird, but because we had the baby between us, I thought he was over exaggerating like he sometimes does… I told him if he still felt weird in the morning, we’d go to the doctor and check it out.

The next morning, Everyone woke up but him. His heart stopped. The autopsy said that he died because of a heart murmur… I don’t know how I got that in my dream… but it wasn’t a heart attack it was something else.

This is where I was trying to wake up because that’s the last thing I’d ever want to happen to him! His uncle Arlin kept trying to tell me it was real, and comforting me. He found this really nasty house for us to clean so that we would be thinking about something else for a while and to hopefully morn. Every time I was left alone, I’d ball for like 30 seconds to a minute and than stop.

Arlin kept trying to comfort me as the night went on. I couldn’t sleep without Marc there, so Arlin said he’d lay with me until I fell asleep. I laid there crying until I woke up in tears balling.

I woke up Marc, while I was in tears, Put my ear to his chest and listened to his heartbeat for a while before I told him I had a dream that he died in his sleep in my dream and it was really real to me, i couldn’t wake up. I was covered in tears and I couldn’t breath. I didn’t let him go for 15 minutes while I grasped the fact that the whole thing was just a dream. I kept looking at him making sure he wasn’t Arlin. Making sure he was really Marc and alive!

That was the worst dream I’ve Ever had!