I was going through old emails and noticed I missed an email from the Diary Master back in August saying they had my diary available to restore. I guess I missed the email because August 2020 was a horrible month for me. In August 2020 I finally took my ass to rehab to deal with my 3 year long addiction to opiates. I became addicted to opiates when I had to slowly watch my ex-husband who is the father of my 15 year old son slowly die from stage 4 colon cancer at 33 years old. A week after I got out of rehab for opiate addiction I was in a very bad car accident caused by a girl who was texting while driving that totaled the car I had purchased 5 days prior. As a result I broke my back (compression fracture of L5 vertebra), sternum and a rib. Of course the only thing they could do to help me was prescribe opiates, a week after I got out of rehab for opiate addiction. I spent the next 3 months on opiates until I finally decided I’d rather live in pain than have a life that was controlled my opiate addiction. I weaned myself off the opiates and haven’t touched them since. I’ve spent the last 9 months dealing with all that.
I’ve also used this time to work on myself and my mental health issues. I lived in a war zone from the ages of 9-13. I spent over 20 years of my life in denial about how profoundly that affected me. I have c-ptsd as a result of it and it nearly destroyed me. It was only in the last year that I realized I’m not normal and that my childhood fucked me up, majorly. But now that I understand what’s wrong with me I can fix it. I’ve spent the past 6 month becoming a better person and I’m so proud of myself. I’m finally learning how to regulate my emotions and I’m finally learning about who I really am. My entire personality for the last 20 years was one big trauma response. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar as a teenager and always thought I was just crazy and there wasn’t much I could do about it. But that’s not true. I’m damaged but there is definitely something I can do about it. For the first time in my life I finally know what it means to really be happy and I have so much hope for my future. I’ve been taking a course in co-dependency and finally understand why I have attracted narcissists my whole life. It feels wonderful to finally understand why I keep attracting these narcissistic monsters (because hurt people attract hurt people of course). In the past 6 months I’ve done a damn good job of ridding my life of the toxic people I had accumulated over the years and it feels so good to no longer be at the mercy of these monsters who were only friends with me because they could manipulate and use me.