Geez. I just spent 10 minutes trying to coax the cats back into the house after they got out. Apparently the garage door doesn’t close all the way on its own. Good to know. There’s a cat door going from the kitchen to the garage, I had it closed off while I opened the door to take out the recycling bin that apparently no longer exists. I pressed the closer button and walked back inside, moved the trash can away from the cat door, and looked outside for some reason. Poof! There’s a white one-eyed cat out there. In retrospect it should have been more difficult to get them back in, since they’re never allowed out. Just another small bad thing. It feels like there is no end to them.
Unfortunately, against the wishes of my small noting audience, I spent Christmas sick and alone. I think I am pretty much over it now, but until a couple hours ago it was mostly misery. Today I had less throat issues at work, mostly just a very nasty head cold. Anyway, on Christmas I slept in until 1, responded to a few Merry Christmas texts, and that was my day. In and out of bed, bumming around the house. My brother and mom called, so I talked to them for a few minutes. And that’s it. It was just another day. The sun shone in on my eyes through my wispy bamboo shade when I woke up. It was windy and cold outside. Just like any other day. It is just another day, after all. The day itself is no different. The people are what make it special. People who are special to you. Usually it doesn’t bother me, but I did feel a jarring emptiness. Even homesickness after talking to my family. Each year the day has felt less special, though I at least had friends around. At least it doesn’t get any worse than this, maybe next year I won’t be sick and it will be better. I really am all alone out here. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I’m doing out here, but I know it’d be worse if I were at home. At least they sounded happy, well happy together. At least they’re getting along finally. That’s something. If I were there maybe I’d help keep the peace but I’d be miserable myself. At least here I have a job, even if it feels like I have no more money after bills than when I was living at my mom’s with my beat-up car. Nicer car now, nicer phone, internet. I eat more poorly, I have arguably less privacy due to having to use someone else’s bathroom and the roommates being home more often than my family was. Heh, when I think about it like that it sounds like I’ve regressed. I was pretty bummed earlier when I realized I really am broke after making my car payment. This is independence though. This is all me. Next month will also be tough, I have to buy books. After that I’ll get my tax returns and things should even out.
Work has been miserable, largely due to feeling less than optimal. Some days it takes all my energy to make it through. I wake up exhausted, and get few moments to rest when I am working. I feel like I’m going to pass out on my breaks, and then somehow I keep going when they end. Crappy things keep happening to me, but it feels par for the course. A donor was complaining about the pain of the needle, so I called one of the supervisors over. The donor was cursing and somewhat yelling because of the urgency of the pain, and because of the donor’s ignorance, my co-worker was getting annoyed. So she ended the donation, as the donor asked her to, and didn’t restart it on the other arm. Once the donor realized she was only getting 5 bucks instead of 40, she started whining at my co-worker, who promptly stormed off and left me to deal with the mess. So that was pretty awesome. I saw it both ways. Miscommunication was most of the problem. People do that so often.
Hopefully I’ll be well enough to donate tomorrow. I need gas money and food money. I’m almost out of ramen and have resorted to eating random things in the fridge. I felt pretty crappy when I got home, and found out that half of a Whitman’s Sampler box does not a meal make.
Things are still bleak. I have at least regained my sense of humor, for the most part. At least enough to be slightly amused at work when someone says something funny. So that’s something. I’m still in a slump. I need something good to happen. Something that I can build off of. I need a victory.