Is it Sunday yet?

Yesterday I cried literally four times bc I became so overwhelmed with everything. It’s incredibly hard to play “doctor” when you’re in fact, NOT a doctor. I’m not even qualified enough to be a nurse. My FIL just does not want to eat. Whenever he does, he ends up having to go to the bathroom, so it turns him off. My MIL is still pushing him, even though I’ve told her not to, bc all she’s doing is pissing him off. Then she cries when he yells at her. I have him at least drinking soda. It’s not ideal, but better than nothing.

Husband left for the weekend. When he was leaving my MIL told him to go say bye to his dad, bc he may not be here when he gets back. First of all, that’s a bit over dramatic. Second, not something you tell your son as he’s walking out the door. Smh. She’s really making this so much harder. I’m trying to focus on getting rid of my negativity in both myself and my energies. She’s making that extremely difficult as well. I decided to do my affirmations and meditation this morning before they woke up. I got through it, but I kept the music on bc it was helping me. Wasn’t long after before the phone calls start coming in.

So it’s not even an hour into husband being gone. I’ve already cried once. I’ve never been away from him for an entire weekend. It may not seem like a long time, two nights, but when you’ve never done it, you need him extra, and you’re the one taking care of his parents…well..yeah. I feel like I now know what our dog feels like when we leave. I already hate leaving him behind, so now that’s going to be even worse when it happens. Sigh.

My neighbor may or may not call tonight to have some drinks. I’m hoping she does. If not, I may just drink by myself to try and take the edge off. I’m not a big drinker as is, so it won’t take long! 

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2 weeks ago

I can empathize. My mom was the same way with my dad when he was in renal failure. She could be downright horrid to him and it killed me. She regretted her actions and words deeply when he died. Then she realized exactly how much she needed and relied on him.

I hope your neighbor comes through. It sounds like you need a little respite.