#2

I appreciate those who have commented and offered to be there for me on my previous post, it truly means a lot to me. Things have been rocky for me lately and Im not quite sure how I could possibly fix it. I have a younger sister who looks up to me and if I’m being honest I’m not the best person to look up to. I’m the eldest at home so I’m expected to act and be a certain way. There’s a total of 4 of us but my eldest sister (35yrs)  lives in California and my elder brother (33yrs) lives in Mexico. At home I’m (19yrs) the eldest and then there my little sister (13yrs).  My older siblings have a different dad than me and my little sister so technically they’re my half siblings but I don’t ever call them that. I’ve made a lot of mistakes throughout the years and I’ve disappointed my family more than once. I used to go to counseling when I was 14 or 15 and it didn’t really help me much. I never admit that I wanna die to anyone and as much as I wish I wasn’t here anymore I would never actually end my life. I’m too much of a coward to actually do it and sometimes I do think about how people would react to my passing if I were to die. Would people act like they new me and were good friends with me? Would people who hated me feel bad? So many things cross my mind. I know how horrible my family would feel if I were gone and my younger sister is what’s holding me to stay in this world. Apparently people say that those who end their lives automatically go to hell because your choosing to end the life that god gave you. It’s a scary thought I would say.