I Finally Left.

I finally left him.  Finally had the courage to leave.  It was last Thursday and we had our Secret Santa at work.  I got a bunch of gifts from several co-workers.  When I brought my gifts home later that night, he said, “I don’t understand why you keep bringing junk into the apartment.  There’s no room for anything anymore.”  It’s so ironic he says that.  He is actually the one that keeps bringing unnecessary shit into the apartment.  Large items, too.  Bookcases, 2 dressers we didn’t need, another desk and computer we didn’t need.  I could go on.  I never said anything about that stuff even though it was obviously making things very cluttered.  It’s a really small apartment, so yeah, cluttered.  But the items I received from people at work were things like candles, candy, socks, a blanket.  Little shit.

So anyway, I said, “These were gifts from people at work.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do… tell them I don’t want their gifts?”  He was like, “You don’t have to get an attitude.  I’m just saying I don’t know what we’re going to do with this stuff.”  I tried to ignore the attitude comment and keep things civil . I really didn’t feel like arguing.  I was like, “I don’t know what you want me to do.  It’s gifts.  These are little things I can set on the bookcase or a table.”  He started getting mad and I can’t remember everything he said.  But even after I was trying to have civil conversation about it he was like, “I really don’t like you having an attitude about it.  I just don’t know why you keep bringing junk into the apartment.”  So, I tried a tactic I learned about  after watching videos about narcissists.  I said, “What do you mean by that?  I keep brining junk into the apartment?  These are just gifts.”  He said something about me taking it the wrong way and twisting his words.  I said, “I’m not twisting anything.  I just repeated exactly what you said to me word for word.  So what did you mean by it?”  He said “You’re just trying to start and argument.  You don’t get it.”  I said, “I’m not arguing.  What do you mean by ‘I shouldn’t bring anymore junk into the apartment?”  He tried to talk over me again and said, “You’re just starting stuff.  Twisting my words.”  Again I said, “I’m repeating exactly what you said word for word.”  So he just started yelling and talking over me.  So I finally said, “You know what?  You don’t have to worry about my junk being in here ever again.  You also don’t have to worry about my attitude anymore.”  So I started packing up all my stuff.  He was like, “Are you serious?  That’s so stupid.  You’re really going to leave?”

So yeah, the entire time I was packing my stuff, he just talked and I didn’t respond to anything he was saying.  The thing is, I’m so weak and vulnerable, I think if he had actually at one point apologized to me and promised not to act that way anymore, I might have stayed.  But he did nothing of the sort.  He just told me how stupid I was being and how I’m such a bad person for leaving.  He even called me evil at one point.  Said I was cold for leaving.  I didn’t respond to any of it, except the occasional, “Okay.  Sure.  Whatever you say.”   So, I grabbed the basics, and my cat, and left.  I went to my mom’s and my brother’s house.

I’m staying there now.  It’s just a little overcrowded and my mom’s a little crazy.  I’ve gone back to the apartment a couple more times to get the rest of my stuff.  To be honest, he doesn’t seem that upset.  I thought he would try to talk me out of it and call me a bad person again, but he hasn’t.  He did ask if I could at least help him and keep him from being homeless for the next couple of months while he looks for a job.  I agreed, as long as he remained civil.  It’s been almost a week and I was honestly expecting the occasional text making me feel guilty, but I haven’t gotten that, thankfully.  I’m hoping it stays that way.

I already feel better.  A weight has lifted.  I feel lighter.  When I come home every night, it’s a different feeling.  I’m not walking on eggshells.  Everyone wants to be around me at the house and we all even joke and laugh and have fun.  It’s so weird to be able to do those things again.  I’ve just got to save up some money to get my own place, because at this point, I am sleeping on the couch, and I know I can only stand my mom for a certain amount of time.  I’m 37, but when I live with her, it’s like she thinks I’m a child again.  She tries to know what I’m doing at all times.  I said to me my brother, if it gets out of hand, I will say something.  Because I’ve already spend the last 3 years being controlled by someone, and it’s NOT going to happen again.

I will never be in another relationship ever again.  I don’t trust men.  They act like they are nice until about 6 months in, they turn into monsters.  I’m done.  I’m so much more at peace by myself.  I get to focus on me again.  I get to take care of my health again.  Lose weight, look better, feel better.  And you know what… now that I think about it… I have barely coughed since I left a week ag0.  The cough I had for 7 months has suddenly almost disappeared.  The wrinkles under my eyes disappeared in the last week, too.  I just feel so much better already, it’s astounding.  If anyone on here is in a bad relationship and doesn’t know if they should leave or not, DO IT.  LEAVE.  You will feel so much better.  Your life will get better.

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December 14, 2022

Congratulations! Welcome to your new chapter. Be ready for the guilt trips and love bombing. It’s coming, trust me. But I am so happy that you are finally out. <3

December 14, 2022

@scarlettlee Thank you!!  😊😊😊

December 23, 2022

I am SO proud of you for having the strength to leave.  You are going to be fine now.

He was shitty about your gifts because he was jealous of you getting them.

Sounds like there was something in your old apartment making you sick and making you cough.  Is there mold in there maybe.  It’s nice that you are going to help him for a couple of months but I wouldn’t help him longer than that.