shopping=done. and a flashback.

this is weird for me.
i’m awake before luke again. although it’s not mad early this time. it’s 7:11. his new wakeup time is 7 (it used to be anywhere from 6 – 6:30 but this changed about a month ago now). it’s not an astronomical difference, but i’m really tuned into him so to me it’s like whoo hoo, 30 minutes of sleep in the morning! once in a while he even goes til 7:30….which i think he may be doing this morning. sweet. gives me time for my drugs to kick in. because yes, I’M STILL SICK. in case you were wondering. day #10, pimp.

thanks to all of you who volunteered to help me out yesterday.
especially those of you from far away lands lol…you’re sweeties 🙂

i ended up convincing my mom to watch him after tim agreed to help her out. it was truly, TRULY, a life saver…because i actually had FIVE stops to make (not four like i thought) and it was busier than i thought out there! there were lines in every store – even in the places where there aren’t any usually. weird.

i did all 5 stops in under 3 hours which i think is good because none of them were in the same parking lots with each other so they all required driving around. and because of this, aside from the food i need, i’m done shopping for luke’s party – THANK GOODNESS!

first stop, dollar tree.
i got table cloths, plastic utensils, streamers, ribbon, a couple things for goodie bags, poster board, and tape. oh and, snowman ice cube trays (!) that were discounted to $.25 each in the christmas clearance. sweeeet.

next up was party city.
they had JUST taken down their winter stuff that morning….in fact they were still working on it when i was there. I WAS SO PISSED! but, it was okay. i ended up getting some more goodie bag things, more streamers, balloons, a dorky silly hat for luke that says "i’m one!" and has all this fuzzy crap all over it, some blue 1 year decorations, and wrapping paper.

then i skipped over to target.
i had to get him formula (which very well may be his last can ever, OMG), and then i realized "DUH. mom & dad need to get him a present". he doesn’t really neeeed any more toys, he got sooo many things for christmas, but i couldn’t think! what he really needs is clothes (which is a story for another time) but i was rushing around trying to get back home and couldn’t really take my time to look. SO. i grabbed him a couple of "treats"….he loves the gerber yogurt melts & lil’ crunchies, but he goes through them so damn fast we can’t afford to keep them in the house all the time. so they’re presents. and, i got him another set of tonka’s chuck & friends little cars. he already has the train fleet & highway fleet…as well as the ATV carrier, and then in the bigger size he has chuck & the fire truck. i know that he doesn’t care in the least, but i want him to have the whole collection. because i’m just, OCD like that i guess? so i got him the construction fleet. now the only ones he doesn’t have are the around town cars.

next was michaels.
this stop was purely for me. they had ribbon on sale so it pulled me in like a magnet. i got something like…..15 spools. they are freakin’ adorable, too. i also got a white gel pen (which i need for some detailing), some photo splits, and some stamps from the little $1 section.

last, was joann’s.
okay okay….this stop was for me too. they had 4/$1 paper, so that was first on my list. got lots. then i got some more black & white cardstock, some zots, a mono adhesive, more photo splits (they were on sale here), a pack of envelopes (which i totally need to order in a more wholesale form), a brown ink pad, and a set of clear stamps in simple greetings. i couldn’t find the paper stack i wanted….i have to look into it but i’m starting to think their joann’s brand of paper is only online.

so. yesterday i made some cards. let’s see i made…..3? i think. they were pretty cute. i have a reaaaaally really basic style…i don’t like to overload anything with a billion inky embellishments. a lot of people in the paper crafting world have that style and it’s gorgeous, but it’s just not for me. anyway, i hope to have them posted on the blog today, along with my personal challenge of card making for the year. i also got lennon & tracy’s cards address, stamped, and sent off today…so hopefully they make it in time since their birthdays are tomorrow and wednesday!

also, tim’s friend rick came over. he was here to just exchange christmas presents and ended up staying ALLLLLLL DAYYYYY, which always happens with him. i don’t really care, he’s cool enough…but the house was just, a disaster, and regardless that it’s not technically mine i just feel weird about people coming over when it’s like this. they all got into playing guitar hero world tour, and rick was even singing. it was pretty entertaining.

PS HIL! This weekend ended up A LOT busier than i thought it would be, are you free sometime today? i’ll text you when it’s not like, the middle of the night where you are 🙂

sooo today. my goal is to cut out the tags for the goodie bags, make the signs for the party, design the cakes, make the menu & shopping list for the party, finish cards for january birthdays, post this weekend’s cards on the blog, and get 2-3 loads of laundry done. wish me luck! 🙂
 

hopefully this doesn’t make this entry TOO long, but this is a flashback from january 11, 2009.

i woke up this morning, oddly comfortable for once. i slept through the night, nothing was aching…no heartburn to speak of, baby wasn’t flopping or punching me. the sun was shining & i could hear a bird chirping (usually i just hear loud construction), and odin was snuggled up next to me. i couldn’t help but think…this is it, you know. the last sunday. the last weekend morning where i can take it slow and soak things up and cuddle up with matt and odin for as long as i felt like it.

i think, matt may have read my mind a little. the man excels at that. he rolled over and wrapped his arm around me, and nestled his head on my shoulder. he just held me like that for a while, soaking it up with me.

it’s not that i consider this a sad thing. it’s really just….kind of profound. i think of how i got here, how i ended up on my last baby-less sunday….4 days before i have my son in my arms, and it just amazes me. i found my husband in a car dealership and formed the best relationship of my life in a relatively short amount of time under unfavorable circumstances. but we did it, and we meant our wedding vows, and it’s what brought us to today. i found my house after i moved away from home with nothing but my clothes and $2,000. we started in an apartment that had nothing but lawn furniture in the living room and a mix of hand-me-downs & dollar store finds in the kitchen. and years of hard work and job changes led us to the gorgeous place we call home and will welcome our new baby into. i found odin almost on accident, when i took a turn bringing our foster kittens to the SPCA for a check up, and the choice to add him to the litter

and take him home was up to ME. yes, he was just a foster kitten, and yes it was my mom’s house i was imposing him on – but i should have known right then he was meant to be my kitty. i know it sounds stupid and cliche, but over the last 4.5 years, he’s been one of my very best friends.

and so here i am, already blessed with two of the world’s best boys, with a nice house to share with them…and yet i’ve been gifted another little boy. one that’s half me, and half my husband. one that’s a product of everything we started almost 5 years ago now. and had any of those things been different, had we not sorted through our crap that first year and fought through 9 months of a long distance thing due to my need to spend more time at home – had that not given matt the time to really think about marriage, had i not said yes, had we not found our house accidentally while drooling over another….we wouldn’t have made it to this point. and it goes much deeper than that – to being extremely similar in our morals and what we want out of life, and specific conversations that put us on our family starting path. but i think that is mostly understood. what blows my mind, is that any of those decisions could have resulted in a totally different life – for both of us. or even a different baby, conceived at a different point in time. 

but it’s not like that. it’s this baby, it’s right now. and you know what i can’t help but think? why do i deserve this? why do i get all of these blessings? im not a wonderful person. i don’t…go to church like i should, i don’t volunteer like i should – even more simply, i’m very judgmental. sometimes i can be unfair, overcritical, or rude. i’m even selfish at times, or completely oblivious to what i should do in certain situations – what the "right" thing might be. i feel so entirely flawed and undeserving of all the wonderful things i have. a husband who is not only my partner for life but my very best friend – who understands and takes care of me like no one in this world and makes it entirely too easy to keep our love growing constantly. a beautiful house that i sometimes still can’t believe is mine. the cutest little kitty who has been one of the best companions i could have ever asked for – who makes me smile and feel loved every single day. and yet, i somehow still deserve to be blessed with ability to make a life – to love him, and to be loved by him. really, the only explanation i can come up with is that this little man must have a thing or two to teach me.

and ya know – i’m nervous. for the obvious, yes – i’ve never had surgery in any form before and so the c-section and dermoid removal scare me to think about. but i’m nervous about things that are even much more complicated. i’m nervous about not being enough for my son. i’m nervous about not doing everything "right" – not giving him everything he needs in order to be the best little him he can be. i’m nervous about adjusting my life sufficiently for him – hoping that i can do whatever he needs me to and then some. i’m nervous about being able to protect him from things that even still scare me, and making decisions for him that will determine any number of things in his future, and being a mom that he will always admire. 

it’s a little overwhelming.

i keep thinking about this coming week. how will i do? will i be a nervous wreck in the hospital? will i be overly emotional? will i jump right into motherhood or be a little scared? will i be in so much pain from the c-section that encouraging my brand new baby to breastfeed on boobs that are causing me more pain will feel like too big of a chore? will i live up to all the things i’ve hoped i would be when my baby finally arrives?

only time will tell, i suppose. but i do have one thing on my side. matt. i don’t know why, but i always have this instinct of thinking that i have to do these things on my own. it just feels natural to me to expect to deal with these things in my own time, in my own way – and my success (or lack thereof) is totally dependent on myself. why is that? is it a woman thing? or perhaps because i saw my mom do it all on her own when i was growing up? i’m not sure. but i kind of like that. i tend to over-prepare myself for taking on the entire burden of everything, and like finding an old 20 dollar bill in your winter coat from last year, i realize – i don’t have to do it all on my own. i am so so lucky to have someone like matt, who is always right there for me – supporting me, helping me – even removing as much of the burden as he possibly can. he will get me through all of this.

and ya know. the truth is, despite my fears and concerns – there is this. we are loved by so many, and there are so many people anxiously awaiting the arrival of this little guy. waiting to hear his name and see his face and welcome him into all of their lives, and i just can’t help but feel……eternally happy. for all of it. for the challenges i’m about to face, for the miracle that he is, and for all of the people who will enhance this experience for us.

i am just…..so happy.