Finding an ear….
My best friend is also my wife’s best friend… we met through her. I had the chance to jump dump my issues and it was helpful to just get it out.
My wife is going through a bad time and so am I… we are both 51… our first daughter went off to college… second is 3 years away… my wife is going through menopause so we have all that to deal with… I sold my company 10 years ago… and have the freedom to do whatever I want… Its a classic case of the struggles of mid life… Kids leaving will change everything…
My wife and I are yin and yang… she is detail oriented… focused on the now… she is stable and pragmatic… I am always focused on the big picture and where we are heading… I jump from one thing to the next searching for the best path forward… I pursue things with passion… but if they aren’t proving out… I have no problem failing fast… and quitting it and moving on… she describes our relationship as she is the tail to my kite…. and sometimes she resents having to be the tail… but she doesn’t go out and pursue her dreams…
This combo has worked well for us… early in our life when money was tight… and raising kids… but now we are in an uncertain time… the path forward is less clear…
She doesn’t know what her life will be like once the kids are gone… She is dealing with all the physical impact of menopause…
I don’t feel like I matter anymore to the family… I have done well financially… so my work is done…
My wife and daughters have a lot of contempt and disgust for my mother. She can be manipulative and strange. She is needy and narcissistic. Much of their criticism of my mother is justified… but they are extremely judgmental and have essentially written her off… sure… they do stuff with her at my behest, but if I wasn’t around, they would have no interaction with her.
You can always see qualities in your parents that you don’t like that you undoubtedly have… so… their criticism of her bleeds over to me… I can’t help but think… if my wife and I divorced, my kids would have nothing to do with me.
I am hurting… I don’t feel like I matter… and I can’t talk to her… because she is struggling as well… and when I express my pain and struggles… she basically states that I can’t relate because she is feeling it both emotionally and physically…
that’s all for now… I feel so stuck