My final? Journey.

Hello,

im new here, so hi again. After reading countless topics of depression a subject that keeps coming up is keeping a diary. I’ve looked passed it for months now thinking it’s pointless and why should I? Well, right now as I type this, I’m in a real shit space of mind. And I’m willing to try anything out that could help me. Who knows, maybe whiling doing these entries something happens and I get magically cured and hopefully people would benefit from reading these, or maybe not and this would be a diary of someone who eventually kills themself?
These will just be my own thoughts and feelings so if anyone does actually read these then please expect typos and terrible grammar.

why now have I just started this?

at this moment in time I’m pretty bored and tired but I don’t want to go to sleep because last night I had an amazing dream that when I woke up it made me feel like shit, the whole day it’s been on my mind and I just don’t want to go to sleep in case I have more of these dreams. I just can’t deal with waking up after, I wish I never and could stay in that constant state of dream.

The dream impacted me on the importance of certain feelings I don’t have any more, here’s a some text I wrote to a friend about it

I don’t even remember who these people were in my dreams or what they looked like, it was just the closeness/bond/friendship that I felt like I had, people who genuinely wanted to be around me

so yeah, welcome to whatever shit show this is going to be