– Yeah so hey, we have a problem.
— Sorry what?
– What do you mean sorry what?
— No because I actually wasn’t listening to you.
— I’m listening now, I’m listening.
– We have a problem.
— Ah… yes. Yes we do. I believe you’re right.
– What was that hesitation?
— Just catching up. Sorry. Yes. We have a problem.
– See, I’m falling in love with you.
— I can see that.
– So we have a problem, well, I guess I have a problem.
— Nnno, I have the same problem.
– You’re in-love with me?
— Oh yeah. Bad.
– That’s so nice.
— Isn’t it though.
– Well crap.
– See because… I mean I’m crazy. I mean, not actually crazy,
— Yes but I am actually crazy.
– You are indeed.
— And… you try and be responsible about it but I think my heart just said ‘Fuck-off’ and so I’m going with it.
– That’s very sweet.
— You think?
– It feels sweet. I don’t know if it actually is sweet. I think it’s sweet.
– So… you’re thinking….
— I’m thinking go for it.
– No hesitation?
— None at all.
— Absolutely. I love you that much. I expect you to love me that much.
– But how do you know I do?
– Oh come-on it can’t be that obvious.
— Don’t be too disappointed in yourself.
– Yeah but fuck. I thought I was doing really well.
— It was a commendable effort.
– Why do you think that is? I mean, you were pretty obvious and me, I guess by virtue of trying not to be obvious I was pretty bloody obvious.
— We’re just too old for all that.
– I’m not, clearly.
— …No, I wouldn’t say it’s as artless as juvenile behaviour, it’s part of your charm. It’s very cute.
— Don’t put up too much of a fight… if we’re not fighting we might have to think of something else to say or do.
— And you’re subvocalising now.
— So I imagine you’re already thinking of something.
— I take it we have no problem then.
– Mmm – no more talking…
You can tell I’m on the way up. I only write such soppy crap when I have an excess of energy. I love celebrating romance though, no matter how idealised and unrealistic it is. The truth is that you often don’t start having conversations like this until long into the relationship, but it’s an interesting indulgence indeed to apply the bahviours in retrospect to the very beginning of the union. In that way then it is both naturalistic and wholy unreal, and I guess those qualities are some of the things I love about romance and intimacy so much.
Among other things.
People have asked why I don’t write about my life.
I am writing about my life.
All the time.
In abstract, in representation, in pragmatism… it’s all there. I just choose to capture it in a different way, and I choose to capture some other essence of a thing rather than a practical account of the thing itself.
That sentence goes a long way in describing my character in some respects.