Am I Being Unreasonable???
Last night while watching my favorite sport, I kept seeing groups of friends and couples and I felt so jealous. Because I was sitting at home, with a husband who had spent the morning drinking, and so he wasn’t my favorite person right then.
This morning, like I often do, I strolled through my Facebook news feed and saw pictures of people I went to high school with and how they were at the game last night. I saw pictures of another girl I went to high school with and she had a video of her daughter singing Happy Birthday to her, and I just felt so alone snd empty.
Today my husband and I had lunch with my father and his girlfriend. It was kind of a nice lunch but I knew it…I could see it….he had been drinking this morning. When I woke up this morning and got up to get ready to meet with my dad, immediately I called out for my husband but he wasn’t there. For some odd reason I went to the front door and looked at the key hooks and saw that my car keys weren’t there.
A few seconds later he walked in with a shopping packet. I looked inside it and in it was genger ale and a box of cigarettes. I asked him where the Vodka was and he said there want any. Later in the day I asked him if we drank alcohol today and he told me he had. So he drove my new car after having drunk a few drinks.
Yesterday he went to get his renewed car license, I still need to pick mind up, and he called me on the way home suggesting we go out. I was annoyed because when I suggested it the night before he told me we hadn’t budgeted for it so no and we would watch the rugby at home. But he saw the hype or fans all dressed up and around the stadium, he wanted to go out and get drunk.
Anyway while having lynch he told my father and his girlfriend how we are adopting. I was so mad. Nothing has been decided or is actually happening, I just brought it up recently.
Ooh…I got an iPhone today. My husband is upset because when we went into the cellphone store today, our intention was to upgrade his phone and transfer his phone contract onto his name, from mine. But turned out he wasn’t due for an upgrade, I was. I ended up getting an iPhone, while he has always wanted an Apple anything. I was never too much of a fan of Apple but I love my phone now and while I was setting it up he was kinda peeved and trying to get my attention off my phone and put more focus onto him.
I am lying in bed right now and thinking about how my big toe has been giving me so much pain and it is slowly starting to go blue. I know this is a big sign for diabetes. Loosing weight has not come easy, and I have been very reluctant to sticking to anything to get me on the path to loose weight. But with diabetes seriously knocking on the door, and with loosing weight being a tough thing for me follow through on, I think it is time I start the process for the bariatric operation.
While setting up my alarm on my new phone they made me fill in a few questions to get me onto a healthy sleep pattern or something….I don’t know. So I had to put in my height and weight. Figured I should get onto the scale and jot just guess a weight and when I saw the numbers I felt sick and ashamed and disgusted with myself.
Height: 153cm
Weight: 117.9kg
How could I have ever let myself get this fat? I don’t even know where to begin and what to do. I know I can spk to my sister who had the op many years ago, but I feel too ashamed to speak to her. Also a big thing I am scared about is my ability to follow through with all of this. The meals and exercise and changing my whole life.