Day 16 of Being Happy…

I give up! Trying to be happy shouldn’t be this hard. I shouldn’t have to make this emotion a priority.

I am miserable and feel as if I have no one to turn to.

My husband just won’t stop drinking and he now gives me chocolate just to try and soften me up. Last night we argued because I wouldn’t let him open the Kiddush Wine and just drink it for the sake of filling up on alcohol.  He goes on that when I don’t follow through on what I promise to do I ‘EGG HIM ON’ to drink…fucking bulshit!

I planned for us to do something fun today, but I don’t feel like doing that…he is now upset!! He was looking forward to being treated, I guess.

I don’t want to live anymore but I am too scared to take my own life.

Last night on Facebook I was watching Derek Deso and these pranks him and his wife pull on each other. Anyway she got herself flowers and wrote this card; pretending it was from her boyfriend. She let her son read it and got him to promise not to tell Derek who it was from. So Derek comes home and sees the flowers…he asks who they’re for and who sent them. She tells him that they are from her Grandma…anyway there is a whole saga….Derek starts to “CRY” because he believes that the only flowers his wife should be getting are the ones that he gives her. For the past 3 years of my marriage…well I have only been married since 27 December 2018… I have gotten flowers 5 times…I got a bunch of flowers on my bday from my sister and her husband and kids…a few weeks later I got a bunch of flowers from my husband to make up for not getting me a birthday present and the other 3 have been flowers I got for myself!!

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3 weeks ago

Oh, sweetie, as a good friend here told me when I was thinking I didn’t want to live anywhere… it’s not worth it. This, too,, shall pass because God said, “It came to pass. He did not say, ‘It came to stay.'”

It might take something drastic on your part – like leaving, or packing up his stuff and tossing him out to find a place to live. Trial separation so he knows you are serious. Like I said… drastic.

I will keep praying for you.

3 weeks ago

*hugs* Don’t kill yourself love. Leave the stupid fucker!

3 weeks ago

Get rid of him. He sounds like mine. Working on getting rid of mine. Killing yourself is not a solution. Life is worth living, and you owe it to yourself to be happy.  Throw that dirt bag in the garbage.

3 weeks ago

Thank you Carina , Sammy Joe and Kojot. I am okay. As for where me and the stupid fucker stand right now, I have no idea!

Today I decided to actually get out of bed and did some retail therapy (which I really shouldn’t have done) because afterwards I went to see my dad who gave me a ‘mouth-full’ about me spending and dipping into money that I technically don’t have for random spending…but he knows I do not have a husband that actually assists with the house expenses…okay that is lie he does help but basically the bare minimum.

So been sitting and creating a personal budget and trying to include my own personal savings account and going to start making me work for me!! But thank you all for your support!!