Do I….

“Baby what are we becoming
It feels just like we’re always running
Rolling through the motions everyday

Everyday is just the same with us…get up…get out of bed and prepare for the day…get into the car and drive off to my work…

As I get out the car we both wish each other a “blessed and good” day…give each other a peck and then go off to our works….well her drives off to his work while I just walk into the building.

5pm hits and he makes his way to fetch me…I get home…prepare supper…check tv schedule and…get into the shower….

While he will just finish working and then if he finishes at a reasonable time he will join me for supper and we will watch one of the many shows we love…or is it that I love and he just watches to make me happy…mph… soon 10pm will hit and then we will relocate to the bedroom where I will most likely go to sleep watching a ‘Friends’ episode on Netflix and he will listen to a Sermon on YouTube or he will watch some movie online…

I could lean in to hold you, or act like I don’t even know you
Seems like you could care less either way

We have gotten so used to our routine that it doesn’t seem as if we notice each other anymore…well I notice him. I know that my work is Monday to Friday, 8am to 5pm and before and after then…sometimes even during, he has my full attention. I often wonder with him. Sometimes a whole night can go by without has saying a thing to each other, these days…is this how married life is??

What happened to that girl I used to know
I just want us back to the way we were before

Let’s go with BOY I used to know…

boy did he used to make me laugh. I don’t think a moment went by that he wasn’t trying to get my attention and wanting us to do something together… before I would have to make him stop kissing me…or tickling me so much that I couldn’t catch my breath… and times when we were lying in bed and I would be in his arms and he was focused on me. Now it just seems as if he is just concerned about his work. I mean I get that his work can be stressful and demanding and he wants to prove himself and he has to answer to a lot and he is proud of his job…but I just wish he would put in more effort into me…into us…into our relationship…

Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby
Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy

I remember when I used to perv over my husband…it used to drive me crazy how it used to take him longer to get ready to go out, than it took me.

He would iron his shirt…his pants…make sure his shoes were clean and polished…he used to wear a belt and made sure it had a nice buckle…and his hair and facial hair was always precise and he was just perfect…now it doesn’t seem as he is too bothered with how he looks or dresses… he says it is because at his work no on cares how you dress or anything and because he sits in the office it doesn’t matter what he is wearing, as long as he is just there…that isn’t the guy that I met 12 years ago…nor is it the guy that I fell in love with…I miss the guy that made me want to rip his clothes off as soon as he had put them on…or the guy that made me want to look better just because I was standing next to him….

Do I have your love, am I still enough
Tell me don’t I, or tell me do I, baby
Give you everything that you ever wanted

Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely
Do I just need to give up and get on with my life
Baby, do I

Lately it is like if I don’t say something…if we are not arguing he won’t notice me…

Remember when we didn’t have nothing
But a perfect simple kind of loving
Baby those sure were the days

When we first moved in together we had this ‘Blue Couch’…we would hardly ever sit on it because it was so uncomfortable but it was the only thing facing the tv.

We weren’t making much money…but somewhere we still managed to always be laughing and doing things together…

We were both a lot thinner and healthier and we just seemed maybe happier. Does age do this to you? Naa….we are not that old. We are still in our 30’s but life has gotten to a point where it is just dragging us down.

There was a time our love ran wild and free
Now I’m second guessing everything thing I see

I remember while we were still doing long distance, and we had only been dating for a few months…we went to a friend of mine’s wedding. And while we were there, we were talking to this other couple and they thought we were married and had been together for years.

We were just so connected and in tune with each other.

We were finishing each others sentences and agreed on random shit…okay not shit per se…but we agreed on everything… and if felt good.

I mean we still finish each others sentences and have our own private jokes… those are things that make me think that he is ‘My Person’

Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby
Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy
Do I have your love, am I still enough

Yip, my husband still has my love….I want to believe that he is still enough and that we will get through all this drama…but I don’t know…

Scott

People need to be still, listen to the other and listen to the silence they share at the same time. To be open, courageous in being so. Honesty rules.

4 replies

@scaht – That is true! But sometimes it is hard to be still when you have so much to say and when what the other person is saying is wrong.

@ncumisa I agree. Easy for me to say living alone. I hope you got your covid shot and all works out good for you and your love.

@scaht – Thanks.

I got my 1st Pfizer shot yesterday and having the 2nd mid October.

My husband is going for his tomorrow. And I know if I am in pain now he is going to be a real baby tomorrow and Saturday…

@ncumisa The pain fades fast. You been through much pain in life. Think of all the poor whining white folks with their big houses and cars in so much pain and deprivation living in the USA and having to … wear a mask for a few minutes once in a while 😉