Listening to Spotify and a song just came up…Jason Mraz “Life is Wonderful” and as bizarre and contradicting the words may be, it is so true.
I look at my family and how it is made up and how no matter what has happened through the years, they have stuck by me. Through all the drama with my biological mother and her 1st daughter stealing from them…my financial squabbles…my husband and his drama…
my WHITE family….my Family from LOVE has stuck by me.
I have been with my husband for many years…he was my boyfriend for +/- 8 years and has been my husband for 3 years in a month and 2 days. There have been many times in the past when I should have shown him the door…I actually did once…but about a month later I opened and held his hand as he walked back through it…but my argument, every time for why I don’t just end things…is because I love him.
I would like to say I trust my husband. And even though I don’t 100% trust him, I cannot say that there is no trust.
I TRUST that he does love me
I TRUST that he does try
I TRUST that he believes in G-D and he knows that we have the potential to reach our true wishes and that we can be GREAT!
But with all that trust there has been many let downs that have resulted in my crying, having suicidal thoughts, giving up, questioning everything in my life and wanting someone to fix it and make things all Open Meadows and Sunshine
And after all the tears and panic and anger and pure hopelessness…something would happen…an inside joke or a song…we would just come together and everything will be great again. I would think, how can I let moments of happiness like what I am feeling now go, because I spent a few days crying and feeling at a loss.
Life is a circle and every day is a new day.
Through all the shit that has happened in my life and in my marriage, I can be grateful I get to wake up another day and try and make it better.
Just got paid…maybe that is why I woke up so happy…but anyway…
The Sun is shining and besides the gale force wind, there is no reason for me not to jump and skip and smile and make my days Sunny. I am going to suck it up and live in my means. For years I have been saying that I have, but in honest truth I have been living above my means…
So Saturday my husband and I are going to look into doing some bulk buying for Fruit and Veg…and try and adjust our buying style of swiping our bank cards regularly.