Pretty much my whole life I have never been happy with my body and its size.
I was in Std 4 = Grade 6 when I went onto Weight Watchers for the first time with my mom and 2 best friends, at the time. I was pretty active as a child; swimming, dancing, walking to school in the morning and walking home from school in the afternoon, but I did weigh more than the pretty girls in class with me, I wore the Adult Small.
Keeping up with school and extra-murals and still trying to loose weight became too much…so I stopped and just focused on being a kid.
Off to High School…and I was still bigger than the & girls in my grade. And since I was in the
(you know…I wasn’t the nerd and wasn’t the popular blonde but was friends with everyone and could sit with any group I wanted to during class, at break or at a party) I wasn’t too bothered about my weight, but I knew I was a little larger than the average girl.
Of course through High School I went on and off diets but I wasn’t too phased…I mean I could wear a bikini but with broad shorts on.
Then I was out of school…not sure what happened when I was in university for a few weeks, as I was in a car accident and had a head injury so can’t really remember.
But I do remember how I was in hospital and because Hospital Food is shitty and everyone felt bad for me I would get my bio mom to bring in KFC for me…and my Foster Mom to stuff me with Chocolate.
So the really started.
After getting out of hospital I slowly sank into a depression….
and I had Short term memory, so studying wasn’t an option for me
and I had a pin in my leg so being mobile wasn’t very possible, I would go squint eye when I was tired so couldn’t really focus on the road, my parents were neurotic, deep down inside I think I was a little paranoid about driving
for a while I still thought I was still in High School and not actually 18 and out of High School
Because of the various meds I was on, I would get tired quickly, so I didn’t want to go out to clubs at night
I didn’t want to see my friends because I thought they would just pity me and I would hold them back
Anyway so my days were filled with Occupational Therapists and Physio Therapists, Psychiatrists, Psychologists and a lot of TV watching…and you know when you are binging on shows you tend to just eat and eat and eat…so the weight of course piled on…and then I just became okay with being obese so didn’t worry about much else besides eating.
Things got serious with my boyfriend…we started off doing long distance and then moved in together. Our first few years of living together we were working at night, him in a hotel and me in a book store…so we would eat really badly….eat junk food at night after work…sleep until about 11am and then just pick on random food. He would go to work at the Hotel and I would go to work at the book store which was at a shopping center…so if I didn’t bring supper with me to work, I would just buy a fast food meal.
I was studying Financial Accounting at the time so I would spend about 2 days of the week onsite at college, and there again was an opportunity for me to buy food from the campus café, as I was only studying 2 subjects out of the whole course of about 7 subjects…(that is another story)
Now through out my whole life I have suffered PCOS. It never really bothered me until the last few years…wanting to have a baby but not ovulating, so I focused more on loosing weight
okay, so I never actually did it. My sister did it and a family friend’s daughter did it and have both raved about it, I went through the whole thing….psychiatrist, dietician, biokinetics, fitness trainer, surgeon, support group…did the whole thing a few times and also chickened out when time came for me to get serious about getting the chop.
Had one for a small period before my wedding…needed a quick fix so I looked good in my wedding dress.
…anyway fast forward to now….
Married for 3 years, and even though my marriage has been rocky, I want to have a baby – so I need to get my body in a good state so I can conceive a baby and carry it full term. Then of course I would like to be fit enough to keep up with my child.
I am tired of having to spend a fortune on clothes because I need Plus Size clothing. And why are clothes for Fat people ugly? I do think the people who are not your deserve to look good, too.
I also snore when I sleep…so being a good body weight would help with that problem. Ever wake yourself up from your snoring? I have done that a couple of times…
I am now at a point where…my lower back hurts…I spend a fortune on clothes and bras…I lack energy to really live…I live 5 minutes away from 1 of the best beaches in the world, but I hate the beach…I claim to hate it because I hate sand, but I know deep down it is because I cannot be in public in a swimming costume and of course have to stand next to a .
And now I am taking the steps…the steps to a me…to a me…to a me…to a me that can
Next week I am meeting with a dietician…a dietician that will set me up on a journey to be prepared for an…
basically get a balloon inserted into my stomach so I eat less… of course I will then be on an eating plan for about a year and will have to be dedicated to exercising.
I have booked my first consultation with the Doctor, so I see him in March. I have joined some Facebook groups filled with people who have been on this journey, too.
Current Weight = 115.7kg
Height – 153.4cm (and I ain’t going to get taller)
So my BMI is 48.8 and that means I am …MORBIDLY OBESE…I need to get to a healthy BMI and therefore need to weigh 49kg – 59kg.
With everything going crazy around me, I am glad that I am sticking to my resolutions and making it HAPPEN for me.