A nobody in a somebody world
I had a different entry written, but I erased it. It’s just helping anymore, nothing is. In the last 4 years, I have climbed mountains only to summit and realize I have even more to climb. I realize we all do somewhat the same thing in life, but I’m done. I have reached a point where although it’s doable, I need help. I’ve done the meds, the therapy, the prayers, the breathing, the meditating, and the acceptance and absolutely nothing has seemed to change. No new (physically near) friends, old ones never came back, all the efforts to repair relationships I didn’t break have been for nothing.
I’m ok with me, I just don’t want to live a life alone and that is what the world seems to be pushing onto me. I realize I am to blame for everything. I didn’t do enough to keep Patty happy and secure. I was a shit brother and friend. I get it.
I think you are too hard on yourself. I wish you could find a “meet up” or something to get involved in. I did that when I was newly single to just get out and make new friends. They sometimes do movies, walks, shopping, whatever together. It’s not just a dating thing, it’s a friendship thing.
I wish I were closer, I would seriously take you out for a cup of coffee, dinner and let you unload.
@strawberryjelly Thank you, I would really like that too. The “meet up” scene around here is more virtual. There are a few singles meets for younger people, can’t believe I have to say that, just nothing for 50+.
@newt316 I know there are other’s like you, even people I know that are alone – struggling. I try to think of ways to help, the world is a cruel, selfish place.
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