BPD 2

I’m currently sitting in my car, parked at a Tim Hortons.  One of the only one’s that are still 24 hours with the whole shutdown.  I can’t sit at home and throughout this whole separation, sitting in my car, drinking coffee, and listening to podcasts has been the only escape.

I was once again awoke by the dread of my life. I have lost my marriage, been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and now the world is falling apart and I’m alone.

I was actually happy when I was diagnosed.  I thought now people would understand, now they would care, now they would help. None of this happened. No one has taken the time to understand what I go through, let alone consider my feelings in how they talk or not talk to me. Now the Corona pandemic, no one can come over, self quarantine. Understandable, right up until you hear how they got together here or there after they couldn’t come to visit.

So I am in my apartment alone, with BPD, in the pandemic, with a family I can’t see for the foreseeable future, who along with “friends” don’t care to see me.

They say it’s selfish to commit suicide because of the ones you leave behind, but what if they just really don’t give a fuck?