Brains on the ground

Can someone tell or explain the ex-wife’s logic to me? Now I am not saying every woman who has found herself in a divorce is like this, some ex-husbands are assholes too, but where does the illogical thinking about how life works come from?

So what am I saying? I give my experience as an example.

My ex let shit fester in her head, but never once showed or talked to me about anything. She just kept up the appearance of a loving wife and mother. She never sat down with me to express her frustrations about money or anything. She went to work every day and soaked up the sweet promises of an older man who had ruined his own marriage and life but managed to save up some money by living rent-free with his sister and inheriting some property and money. Oh, I am sure he made her feel like the best thing in the world and it all just was so fresh and exciting enough to forget that I did that every day for the last 20 years of her life too.

Anyway, out of the blue and in the manner of hours, she ended our marriage and hitched her wagon to him. She cheated, lied, and essentially went public with the affair. She left in the middle of the night to be with him and treated me as if I had abused her for years without stopping. She sat me down and promised 3 things if I would just “give her space to think” 1) She would not expose the kids to this man right off the bat so they could ease into the understanding that their parents were separating. 2) We would try and do counseling, which I didn’t understand because she had never shown me any displeasure until the day she “blindsided” me with wanting to divorce and had a “friend”. 3) She wouldn’t close accounts so I could get an apartment and get somewhat settled. Two hours after I left she broke all 3. He essentially moved in that night, making dinner with her for them and the boys without so much as an explanation to them about where Dad was.  The next morning she emptied all the accounts and left me penniless and pretty much homeless.

Why didn’t I fight? Well, I was broken and alone. Everyone in my “circle” just treated it as “shit happens” and I was being “over dramatic” about my pain, loss, and confusion. They watched me lose my mind and ignored the fact I was suicidal. I did talk to a lawyer, but I had absolutely no way of getting the retainer fee or anything. Yeah, he felt for me, but he felt more for his wallet.

What I am saying is that she ruined me and broke me mentally, spiritually, and financially and she knows it. She knew she wasn’t going to give me dick for my share of the house. She knew I had nowhere to live at that time and that I was in no condition to care for myself let alone have the boys with me. She knew I had nothing and it was her (and him) that did this to me, out of nowhere with no warning.

But…

I should still pay my half of everything. I am obligated to pay support and half of the boy’s expenses even though I have no custody rights and haven’t been included in any decision made for them in 3 years. That I should be a better Father, this told to me by a woman who forced a new man into their lives and publicly destroyed their own Father. I should have money because I am now single without obligations. Apparently, my rent, utility bills, car payment, insurance, and groceries along with paying off the debt we had are just excuses not to fork over half my paycheck every week to her. I don’t and never had understood the difficulties of having 2 incomes, tax refunds, thousands of covid relief money, and no mortgage compared to my spendthrift single lifestyle of candlelight to save on electricity, cold apartment to save on gas, piss poor food from dollar stores, and never going anywhere to save on fuel.

How fucking ignorant does a person have to be to not realize they are holding the bloody axe that chopped off your legs as they guilt and yell at you because you can’t stand up?