Doing the work part 3

I have been reading “No more Mr. Nice guy” and I’ve come to the understanding that I have “Nice guy Syndrome”. I have had this practically all my life and boy was I abused. Some examples. When I was a kid and Tony and myself were friends I would beg my parents to take him along on our vacations. To Canada and Cedar Point everywhere we would go. Did I ever go with him and his family? Nope. I was the little gentleman in middle and high school. I really liked a girl named Lisa and I would help her with homework and buy her cute little gifts. She started dating another guy, a real scumbag. I would always put forth the effort with my friends and they would forget me constantly as they would do things. I have been cheated on in all my relationships and have always apologized to them for it. Yes, you read that right. Even with Patty.

At work, I have quietly sat as others walked all over me, even today as I came to work there were several notes about customers either one of the 2 other people here could have taken care of. One is currently going for a high score on some matching game on her cell and the other is watching old seasons of some show or the other.

The book isn’t teaching me to become an asshole, but I wish it was. The last few times I have attempted to stand up for myself have all come crashing down on me hard. Seriously, one time a coworker put in a harassment complaint because I choose not to do her work along with mine. I was a quality lab tech at a place and I had tons of things I had to get done every day. Needless to say, I got a slap on the wrist and wound up having to do half of her stuff anyway. Kind of why I sell trailers now.

I have been looking into the MGTOW movement lately. Men Going Their Own Way. So I’m not as militant about things as they seem to be, but I do agree with a lot of what they say. Having come out on the losing side of 2 divorces does that to a fella. I’ve begun thinking and practicing some of the things they preach. No longer am I going to allow another woman to run over me. I’m not going to be used for a free dinner or drinks. I’m going to live for myself and the boys from now on. If Patty gets herself in a jam, tough, and that goes for anyone. The last thing I ever wanted to become was a dick, but people can piss on you (no pun intended) so much before you kick them in the nuts.

I’m sorry for the next woman that may enter my life because the scars of the past 35 years run deep and won’t heal unless it’s Muminah. The offer to run away is still on the table. 😜

La Perseph

Some healing will naturally heal over time as you slowly make realizations, change ways of the things/actions.

We all have scars on some form or another and wheather you want to work on actively and intentionally heal or not is up to you. But I believe you have the capability of healing.

You’re gonna have to compete with my Mr Cleveland though 🤣

Oh, and dont become an asshole as that is not for your highest good.

You can still be a nice guy but have firmer boundaries and different expectations for yourself and others.

You can have more assertive needs and opinions but that doesn’t make your essence as a human being an asshole but have asshole/more assertive actions when needed to make sure you aren’t being walked over

Flower&Flame

I think it’s important to remember that being “nice” and not standing up for yourself respectfully are two different things. It sounds like you’ve had the misfortune of interacting with some pretty awful people, there’s no doubt about that. I hope that as time moves on, you’re able to insist that you are treated the way you deserve as a human being and given what is fairly yours. It won’t always have the results you want, because we can’t choose how others react, but at least it will help you build your sense of self in a healthy way. I don’t necessarily think it’s a good idea to flip the coin completely and go in the total opposite direction. Maybe just consider redefining what a “nice guy” is to you? I worry that your hurt and anger might lead you into the ugly dregs of the internet and the groups of incels that lash out towards all women and treat them as lesser beings. I am unfamiliar with the Men Going Their Own Way movement but it raised the hairs on the back of my neck. You seem like a very good person with a whole lot of hurt. That can lead us to dark places if we aren’t careful. ((hugs)) I do hope your path leads you to good things, Colby, truly!

valancy

My husband finished NMMNG a few weeks ago and loved it! Since then he’s taken Jennifer Finalyson-Fife’s Art of Loving class and read another book called The Superior Man. They’ve been so amazing for him! I hope your next relationship will be healthier in ways that show your inner strength and trust that you can be loved for having that strength, and not needing to trade or barter anything to achieve love.