Yet another night of dreams and reminders that I’m not worth dick to anyone. It was a nice few hours with the boys, but reality hit back extremely hard.
So where is life sitting for me.
The one person I gave everything to, dropped me like I was nothing, along with friends and family members.
Life of course went on for people. In fact, it went on so quickly that nobody noticed or cared.
I’m atleast now $50000 in debt for things I can’t say are mine. When and if I get it paid I will have nothing to show for it. Others will though. A woman who cheated and lied, a man who made no effort for it, someone who bought the vehicle at auction.
I thought I finally made a friend and it’s been almost a week since I’ve heard from them, so….
My job is in question because of a word I said in anger, to myself that someone took offense at and made it into a direct attack on him and now feels unsafe. A man who has 70 pounds on me who could break me like a stick.
I can’t find help. Somehow I make too much for social help and I just can’t bring myself to go to food banks or charity places because there are m people more in need then me.
I really don’t know why I keep writing. Sure $3.99 a month to do it here isn’t breaking me. I just regurgitate the same shit every day. Sure the few nice words and support helps, but I have to live with me and everything I have tried over these few years have done nothing to help me. The therapist all say the same things never really answering only taking my issues and twisting them into different ones for me to figure out, which if I could I wouldn’t be there in the first place.
Maybe it really is time to give up. Relieve the few people who do worry for me.