The boys have come and gone and I’m back in the depressing loneliness of my life as it is now. I got 4 hours of screaming, fighting, messes, and spills and I loved every minute of it.
I don’t think that most of the women who usually keep the children whether through custody or not, really understand the loss and heartbreak a man who truly loves his children goes through.
I will sit here for the next hour crying, in fact I am writing this bawling at the moment. I will then go through a couple hours of anxiety, just wanting to talk to someone, knowing no one will answer, they never do. Slowly I will finally catch my breath, yet again, and something in my brain will shut down and I will hopeless resign to this life and when I can’t keep my eyes open, I will go have a horrible night’s sleep.
I had hoped maybe this year Patty may wish me happy father’s day as I have wished her happy mother’s day every year since. I don’t expect gifts as I send her, but I thank her for my 4 boys. I guess she now wishes they had a different father too.
I continue to put this “goodwill” out into the world and nothing seems to come back to me.