I deleted my Facebook and Messenger accounts last week and guess what, I don’t mind being ignored by everyone who have ignored me for most of the time I was on them. I gave out my number and email address to people I thought cared and as of yet, have not received any well wishes. So, I guess if I really wanted to I could pack a moving truck and go lose myself somewhere else in America and no one would notice.

Oh what dream. If I only had the experience and skills that could land me a decent paying job or the knowledge to be a hermit and live off the land and live out of my truck.

After the latest, “thanks but, no thanks” dating experience, I’ve come to the realization that my “committed” life is over and essentially after the next 12 years are over all I can hope for is holiday visits from my kids. As of now, it seems as though the 700+ year run of my Newton line will die with them, because they do not seem interested in having a family of their own. Not after watching their Mother selfishly destroy their Father, who never showed them or her one once of dishonesty or malice, and basically piss on the graves of their Grandparents and Sister for nothing more than money. Why would ever trust a woman or man after what see did. Yes, I know that sounds dramatic, but I beg you to understand that my “family” was raised on happiness, trust, and morals that apparently can be just “gone” in a blink of an eye without the slightest of reason or rhyme.

So that’s where I am at. Any dream, hope, and plan I may have made in the past is dead. Now all I dream, hope, and plan for is how to survive after I lost everything at this point of my life and how I’m going to survive after 20 years when I hit 70. Retirement saving are all but gone to a woman who will share it with another man who was essentially given my life I built for 30 years that doesn’t deserve it. The social security system will be destroyed by the government is about 5 years with the fucked up policies and “my dick is bigger than yours” actions by both parties. It’s really starting to look like I may have, at the most, 6 – 7 years left at this job before they close this place and where am I going to go without the skills the world needs.

It’s lovely to hear the stories about how people go back to school and get a new degree and find a new job at my age, but what’s not being explained is how they had savings to live on while they chased their “dream”. They have a wife or husband to support them through it all. No one in their “right mind” would just blindly walk into a student debt and an unsure future, giving up everything on a whim if they were dirt poor or extremely alone. That’s like taking advice about how to live alone from your attached friends or money advice from someone like Paris Hilton who could live without working a day in her life if she chose to.


ALSO, when did Open Diary become an advertising place for floor cleaners in Dubai or sewer plumbing repair in Vallejo???

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2 weeks ago

…if you have nothing left to lose it is very easy to risk it all, sir.

Just a thought, and certainly easier said than done.  But what you speak of sounds like freedom to me, not loneliness.

2 weeks ago

We are in desperate need of workers of all kind, Elkhart IN is affordable and the unemployment is really low – for what it’s worth.  No idea what you are currently doing or what experience you have, but you can’t swing a rope and not hit a help wanted sign up here.  Housing is at a shortage, but there are some apartments available (I’m told)…but, you’d be living in the snow belt for Lake Michigan – although I haven’t found the winters to be too terrible??  Just an option/thought.

2 weeks ago

@strawberryjelly Well, I live near Buffalo NY, so winter is what it is. Funny thing I sell trailers and our enclosed trailers are Made at American Hauler in Elkhart… Small world.

1 week ago

@newt316 It is a small world!  I know American Hauler VERY well.  We sell them building products!  And, if you’re in buffalo, your winters are FAR worse than here.

2 weeks ago

Well, to be fair, your kids are still kids, yes?  That’s a long ways away from them not wanting to have families of their own.  My daughter is getting married this coming September and before she met her fiancée she also never seemed interested.  She’ll be 28 by that time and seems to want at least one kid.

I hung around for years and had my daughter maybe seven or eight days out of the month.  She still doesn’t seem a ton interested in communicating with me but at the same time, when we meet up she seems pretty happy to see me most of the time.  Point is, perhaps don’t take what things look like now as an absolute of the future where they’re concerned.  I’ve seen kids who have turned on one parent or another as a kid grow up to become wiser and see through the bullshit of what poison the custodial parent has dripped in their ears to reunite and reconnect with the parent “left behind”.  It may not seem like it at all, and it may not come for a while…but there is always the even possibility that they’ll look for you.

Be Well.

1 week ago

I’ve been there, done that, kinda but not exactly, if that makes sense.  But honestly, at almost 65 I’m as close to starting over as I was at 25 and again when I was 40.  Maybe it’s a habit of mine, but it’s not fun by any means.  I have five years left that I plan on working … then to figure out how to live off of what pennies I have saved up and a certain amount of SS.  When life turns me upside down, I just have to change the angle of my compass.