I don’t know anymore

As the old folks say, “a sick bird’s ass” I keep repeating this over and over. I am in a total horrible apparently unrecoverable funk. I am ruining the enjoyment of special things like my son’s graduation. I am allowing others to make me feel guilty for things I have absolutely no control over. My one and only escape, sleep, is avoiding me or just becoming an absolutely painful experience. The several “prescriptions” I take daily have all seemed to lose the ability to help. I don’t know if it’s because I am not trying hard enough or if all the actions I have taken have yielded nothing. Still no calls or messages. I don’t know how to not keep looking or wishing.

A don’t feel part of Jonathan’s graduation. I haven’t been there for over 3 years. He’s never come to me with questions. I never sat down with homework or helped with projects. I know when or if he has a chance to say anything it will be I love you, Mom. I will sit at the ceremonies out of the way, so as to not ruin it for her and her husband. And I will lose yet another piece of me and the dreams I held, knowing that it all died along with her words, “I don’t want to be married to you anymore, I don’t love you, it’s over.”

Log in to write a note
2 weeks ago

No way would I sit out of the say.  You are Jonathan’s daddy and deserve to be right up there with the rest of them.  You have more right to be there than others IMO.  However, I can see why you would feel like you aren’t a part of the whole thing.  It’s just another so unfair situation you are in.  Just be there for him on his big day and somehow put a smile on your face for him,  that’s all you can do.

(((Hugs)))

2 weeks ago

🦋

2 weeks ago

@catholicchristian Well, I can do 5 of the 6 things…LOL, The ex and he can go pound salt… 😜

2 weeks ago

Your his father, you owe it to him to front and center.  He needs to know you care and he’s a priority.