They say life is what you make it, but is it really? I know my life isn’t. Oh, I’ve done everything to make my life what I want, but have been forced to adapt to what others want. Every twist, turn, or intersection I have come upon my thoughts, needs, and wants had absolutely nothing to do with what life gave me. Is it because I just can’t fuck someone else over for my own selfish needs? Is it because I have empathy for others?
You would be hard-pressed to find anyone connected in my life that has any sort of regret in screwing me over to get what they wanted. My ex-wives stepped on and over me with no emotion or conscience or guilt about trashing a man who did everything he could to please them, but just not enough. My friends have sat and chided me over things that they wind up doing without so much thought of me. My siblings show no support and even outright walk away from me as I am laying and dying on the ground with emotional pain. My co-workers constantly throw me under the bus or toss their mistakes on my back.
“You need to stand up and take control of your life,” they say. Do you know what would happen to me if I did that? Well, it has already happened. I spoke up in my defense about what my cheating, lying, ex-wives, and my words were used against me. I told my friends how their words and actions make me feel and they laughed it off and walked away. I spoke up to my family and have been branded a spoiled brat who never went through the “hard times” like them. I speak up at work and I lose my job.
For everything I have wanted in my life, I have lost so much more and the one thing I thought I finally got, is now gone and someone else is enjoying it all without so much as lifting a finger to earn it.
Do you know how people “make their life theirs”? They have luck and money. They have no soul when they run over others. They have no respect for anyone. And if the day comes that something bad may happen to them as they have done to others, they take everyone down with them. I can’t be that so life isn’t what I make it unless what I make is a life lived alone with nothing.