Long night… Again

It sucks when your brain works against your heart. Sleep used to be my one and only escape from my rather shitty life. Well, I no longer have that anymore either. These last several nights of dreams have me feeling even more worthless.

Maybe everyone was right to leave me.

I’m sorry, but I truly believe that a person can only go so far with life and healing alone.  So, here I am wishing,  hoping, and trying to move on, to feel better, but I’ve hit the wall hard.

It’s always kind of funny to me to be asked, “what’s wrong?” by the same people I have begged and pleaded to help me, and support me. I have never felt so alone and worthless as I have this last month. The cancer scare, the surgeries, the recovery all of it, everyone I thought cared for me and I told about it all, just ignored me. Again.

It’s hard to finally realize that I’ve become a non-factor in everyone’s life. Friends, family, and acquaintances. I never did anything to be treated as I have for these 3+ years.


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