overthinking

Ryan or Rian, that was her name. Just a causal neighbor intro while getting mail. First person in this apartment complex I have actually met. Most others shuffle by, heads down. I did the quick 5 second look over, no ring, not under-aged (i think). I even allowed myself to say something dumb like ” well maybe we can be coffee buddies when the weather improves.” and allowed her answer to be heard in my brain as serious, when I know it was just what is said to “humor” a kind of chubby, dorky guy.

But…….. Was it?

I was with my wife so long and have been hurt so bad, that I don’t even remember how we got together. I haven’t had to make a move or start a conversation with intentions of a date in years.

First thought.. I would write a very innocent letter. Not to rambling, not to creepy (i hope), asking her if she would like to go out for dinner sometime. But how is not weird and creepy.  No matter where i leave it, in her mailbox or her door, it will come off as odd.

Second.. Go old school, send her flowers. I never was a flower guy, but I know not to hit her with a dozen roses right off the bat, but how would that be received? This short, guy I just exchanged pleasantries with sent me a flower arrangement.. I know to keep the note short and sweet, asking if she would like to go out. Maybe too direct and by chance there is a boyfriend, dangerous to my well being.Maybe, ” It was nice to meet you, thanks for making me feel welcome”.  Hmm, that kind of sounds nice, not expecting something in return, while leaving the door open and also innocent enough just in case.

Third.. Be a total spaz and constantly try to happen to bump into again..

I do like 2, but somehow I see me doing 3 and totally fucking chances up. I know I am not ready to date and there is a great chance that this will blow up in my face or in the least be something that may not fulfill her, but I just can’t keep going on day after day being alone. I can not turn to friends and family, they have proven over the last year, that they just don’t care…