“Simping” ain’t easy

As my other entry today shows, I have been an easy mark for other’s transgressions.

SIMP

a word that everyone overuses w/out the correct definition. it means a guy that is overly desperate for women, especially if she is a bad person, or has expressed her disinterest in him whom which he continues to obsess over.

Except, In my life it’s not just women. It’s friends, family, and strangers. Kind of always been that way to. I’ve been runover so much in life I can be considered black top. As much as I try to change, it keeps coming back to it. I don’t know if I was raised in a way that my guilt is such that I can’t be selfish or if a youth spent in the church made me care more for others than myself. I find myself at age 50 with nothing to show for 50 years of living, well not entirely I have 4 boys who I love, but seem to have rolled with the punches and act as though I am just a special treat once in awhile. I have lost a child, 2 failed marriages, life-long friends who just left me dangling, both parents, and my siblings won’t talk to me. The divorce 3 years ago left me penniless, broken, homeless, and with just the clothes on my back.

And I took it like a Simp would.

Several attempts to meet someone or date someone have fallen apart as soon as they learned my lot in life. Don’t have the money to be a sugar daddy or the life that is together for anyone my age. I fall for stuff like this; I have a friend, a female friend from back in high school. At the time, not so long ago she was living overseas and also going through a divorce. Unlike me, she had me to talk to, cheer up, and lend a shoulder. She would tell me how she always had a crush on me and would jump at a chance of reconnecting. Well apparently that was said, because she obviously never thought she would step foot in the States again. Her divorce finalized and unfortunately she moved home. I haven’t heard from her since. You see, people care for me when they know they will never run into me. The online faceless people like Facebook or even Open diary, no offence, have always told me how important I am, how attractive I am, and how much they would love to sit down or go out with me. That is until the reality of it happens. Several times in the last 3 years of my “breakdown” I’ve heard those sentiments only to learn these people where nearby for one reason or another and made absolutely no effort to contact me, yet plastered all over their socials are them at the bar or a party with the other “concerned”  people.

So, how do I shut it off? The concern and caring I don’t receive in return. The few times in my life I was in the least bit selfish, I was called out in such a way that most people would bury their heads in the sand like an ostrich.  Yet, it’s always been totally fine to leave me standing with my d$%^ in my hand as they run me over. If I’m going to change to be “that” person, I better learn to be totally on my own from here on out…

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4 weeks ago

This is the reason I keep to myself so much.  I have very few true friends…very few.  I don’t like people who act like my friend when it’s just the two of us but then around people treat me completely different.  I just don’t trust people any more…even some family I don’t trust.  If anything ever happened to my husband I don’t think I would even try to date again, but I haven’t walked in those shoes so I don’t know really how I would feel.

4 weeks ago

Where did you get that definition? It’s short for simpleton.

Also, I think you’re taking something personally that’s just human nature. People are lazy and fickle.

4 weeks ago

@scarletibis It was in the urban dictionary. It even says that people use it without the correct definition. You can thank you millennials and such for making it a “thing”. Just trying to talk like the kids…LOL

4 weeks ago

@newt316 I’m Gen X. 🙂

4 weeks ago

Right there with you, also I usually have better grammar. I put to many yous in that sentence.

4 weeks ago

I have never heard of the word simp – no one I know uses it.  I’m sorry to know it now though.  I don’t know how you combat what you’re going through – but I hope you do.  No one deserves to be steamrolled.  At some point or another, the human race does it.  We are all bastards at some point…I’m sorry you’ve been dealt more than your share.

4 weeks ago

@strawberryjelly

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/simp-everything-know-2020-strangest-133335730.html

Ok maybe I’m not the simpiest simp to ever simp, but I have essentially allowed my ex to run me over because I love her..

1 week ago

I once did a study on the concept of the ‘nice guy’ vs the ‘bad boy’ and why it seemed like women went after guys that seemed obviously wrong for them.

Don’t blame people who are still slaves to the culture that created them.  Society is now so fucked up that almost all the things people do that are shitty are really just maladapted behaviors created by the ego to try and survive in a shitty world.

It is hard to rise above it, but that is what water does, so I try to be like water.

I fail A LOT.  I don’t always talk about it, but I TRY.  I find this is unique, as we have always as a species seemed to try and give ourselves comfort.  And the lie is an easy comfort, and so the lie that is our online presence is an easy comfort.  You see where I go with this.

But, I do think that our brains do not know the difference between our online persona and our ‘life’.  To our higher self, the things we are training by being here, it is all one life.  Thus, the fucked up world in which we live.

The question becomes what to do once one is awake?