Thoughts

I took my son back to college today. He goes to Alfred State which is a little over 80 miles from me. I don’t think I could have driven any slower then I did to have time with him.

Am I a good man? A good father? IDK. The world and “my people” have left me feeling worthless. 80 miles, in the dark, and just my thoughts. It’s all fault, isn’t it? If I was a better husband or friend or brother or person, I wouldn’t be in this spot. I would still be married and have had enjoyed Thanksgiving with my family. At this moment I would be sitting holding Patty and just talking about things. Instead I am in a cold bleak apartment where the sounds of my kids have all gone silent since they are hone or at college.

I wasn’t good enough to keep my job. I wasn’t important enough to people here who left me stranded for 5 days while I literally watched them dig out empty apartments.

I don’t feel like I am important to anyone or anything anymore. People shook me out of their lives so quick and permanently. Even Patty, didn’t waste any time and now acts and treats me like we have no history.

I have always been good at failing. Great at losing no matter what. Having almost everything that made me happy and complete taken from me although I did everything right. I’m all for karma. You treat people or a person like shit, you should lose them in your life, but you essentially worship someone, unselfishly giving everything you can for them the last thing you would or should expect is to lose not just them, but friends and family too.

I don’t know why I write anymore. I’m not feeling the “therapy” from it. I feel like I’m doing everything I should to be better and everyone is ignoring me or just doesn’t care.