I woke up today like most, thinking this a new year, a new opportunity. That lasted about 5 minutes. I checked my texts, nothing, my messages, nothing. The realization of the last 3 years decended on me. Two weeks from now would be the day, 3 years ago my ex broke me and everyone else sat by and gave zero f#$%s about it.

How long does grief last? Why isn’t all the things I’ve done not helping? Although I am writing this, I’m talked out. I never got answers and have come to the conclusion I never will. I am alone, that seems to be how it’s going to be for me. I’ve tried to meet people, but apperantly I’m not good enough, nice looking, or well off enough. I don’t want to be alone.

Why do women ask for a “good” guy, but apperantly all the years I have been the good man has left me here, no family, no friends, being hopelessly in love with a woman who wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire and has never told me why, eventhough there never seemed to be any problems for the 20+ years we were together.

You know what, fuck it, i’ll leave what i wrote because I spent time to, but this isn’t helping. I’ve never been anyone’s love or hero. Everyone has shown me I don’t matter in their lives. I don’t matter in mine either. Sorry guys, but I give up.

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3 weeks ago

Never give up. No one is worth that. IF you are a “good guy,” then you don’t need to be validated by anyone, and you move on and continue to be a good guy. If you want to matter in someone’s life, be the hero. No woman is needed. Be your own hero. My gram told me long ago when I was alone and miserable that I would never find anyone to be my friend until I was my own friend, until I liked my own company. She had been alone most of her life and I told her that. She nodded, “I give advice because I know the other path. Listen to the old person who made a lot of mistakes. As long as you get up, one more time than you fall down, you win. SO get up, one more time. Be your own friend. The rest doesn’t really matter. The world needs more friends.”

You can be a hero. You certainly don’t need someone else to do it. I wish you luck.

3 weeks ago

I’m trying to be positive today, too, but it’s hard to be positive when you don’t feel good…and I don’t feel good today.  What I really want to do is go back to bed and that’s probably what I’m going to do.

3 weeks ago

I’m with @Jazmynroez. NEVER give up. <3