New Beginning

It’s 930 on a Friday night, I’m alone laying on the living room floor in an empty house, and… I’m happy. My heart is beating pretty hard as I had gone to the gym about an hour ago but that’s just one of the symptoms of my happiness.

Ive almost always been a moody guy, an angsty teen, a wild adult but something changed almost 6 years ago. I had a daughter. The miracle of life fractured my immature brain, the concept of me still being young creating life wasn’t in my game plan. But it was happening. I’m a dad. I created a human. I marveled at such a concept of the simplicity of sex creating something so dynamic and unique like a baby. Life is formed. I know it seems like we learned that somewhere. But I saw a miracle. The miraculous, kinda hard to explain, why it happens like this, gift of life.

After news broke of being a dad came to me I started looking into philosophy. Why is it we are here. What’s the meaning of such a great gift? Why me? But it started taking a new path towards theology. I started looking at who made this? The singularity of the universe must mean a beginning which gives us a beginner. A creator. I started looking at religion and I saw one that matched how I felt with what I knew. A god that is loving like a father to a son who is loved through the spirit action of love. I’m a Christian; something that once seemed so boring and unappetizing became something so flesh(real)and wise.

Ive been this way for 6 years but will never look at Christians the same way. That love they have seemed fake or self righteous but I have a different view after 6 years. Since being saved I smoked pot, had an abortion from another pregnancy, had plenty of sex outside of marriage, been a drunk, but always had that knowledge that I am still loved by him. Each one of those Christians are dealing with the pain of what’s wrong in this world but still feel loved by a forgiving god.

So to go back to why am I happy? I am loved by a creator god who loves his son so much that that love overflowed into making more like him that have the choice to love him rather than by force is such a marvelous and miraculous thing that I feel I need to put it in writing. I love him back by giving just a little time a day but am blessed tenfold for the moments I spend with him. What a great king we have in Jesus.


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April 28, 2018

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