NorthwesternCat

April 4, 2007

Previous: LOST

Next: My front door

Things I have learned in this life

ANGER

Anger is more productive than despair.

Anger makes me ugly.

Anger is exhilaratingly powerful.

Anger is corrosive.

Anger destroys love.

Anger is not necessarily the opposite of Depression, but it is armor against it. It is protection. It is safety.

It is self-destructive. Not to itself, no, to me.

It flattens joy, it flattens effect; it flattens life.

It is scary beautiful. It is ugly. It is powerful.

It can be, and often is, self-defeating. Not to itself, no, to me.

I would rather be angry than depressed.

DEPRESSION

Depression and I have a life-long aquaintance.

Depression affects how I see the world, how I live my life, how I perceive things, how I deal with things.

Depression is ugly too.

Depression is depressingly weak. It too is powerful, but not is the way that anger is. It bends you, shapes you, defeats you.

Depression, in a word, sucks.

There have been times when I would almost have willingly died rather than continue to live in Depression.

I have a life-long visa to visit Depression. I had and probably still do, somewhere, a residency permit.

Despite my wishes, I sometimes find myself on the borders of Depression, looking out at the world, at the life I’ve left. I try very hard not to enter further into Depression because I am sure that, past a certain point, there is no turning back.

But I still have that visa….

Depression flees in the face of success, but it waits in the shadows. It will leap out and fall upon me at times, and is hard to repel. Sometimes, I have not tried to repel it, but living in Depression is hard, and thankless work, that in the end, is unrewarding. There is no triumph against Depression, only intermissions.

We have been life-long aquaintances. Not friends, not really enemies; definately not allies. Depression is no one’s friend, is no one’s ally, is totally untrustwarthy.

Depression lies, it distorts the "truth", it affects the vision and understanding and the comprehension.

I know Depression, and it too well knows me, but we have been estranged. I think I’d just as soon never see the fucker again, but fear I will.

Anger is, has been, and likely always will be my armor against Depression.

At the moment, both are not in the house, but I sense them out there, somewhere, waiting to fall upon me again.

But…Anger I will welcome over Despair and Depression.

sigh

*****

Red PJ's

April 5, 2007

I’m not sure what to say.

yes depression is a distorter thats why I hate winter, it wants to overcome me. I have been blessed not to be an angry person but In a way thats unhealthy too. I have to much patience and should get angry about things I don’t. Oh well, I still like myself.

gray tabby

April 6, 2007

maybe i need to garner up my inner anger cause depression is knocking at my door right about now. take care,

Dear friend, you are not alone in this inner battle. There are many others who have lifelong visas to depression. It’s most definitely a part of my life. Some times more apparent than others. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize the triggers, the unexplainable reasons why one day we can feel on top of the world, and the very next, at the bottom of despairs. Just know that you have friends who care.. and understand completely this inner battle. I am one of those fighting alongside you..

HI again! I suffered with depression for seven years.it is debilitating.Finally I asked God to heal of depression and he did.I learnt that depression comes form repressing anger–anger comes from being hurt either by hurt feelings, or hurt physically–which hurts your feelings any way. The defense Ilearnt against this was to forgive the one who hurt me.Then the hurt and anger would disappear so no

…repression of anger, and so no depression! Forgive, forgive and forgive again..that’s the key to staying well, and staying away from depression!It cannot have any hold over you if you can find it in your heart to forgive every hurt, every painful feeling or memory that bothers you…. If you take this advice on board, you will know joy and peace in your life! Now it’s up to you to choose what

what you want for your life! When something gives your heart pain, will you forgive and forget, or suffer the hurt, feel the pain, get angry–or repress anger and get depressed? What would give you the best out come, the best way of life? Weigh up the consequences…. forgive— and be happy again….

grmpajak

I kinda understand…and definitely agree! ;~)

or..be depressed, living life like a sausage in a frying oan on the flames of dispare…being all sad and morose about how your life sucks, and how bad everything is… the choice is yours my friend!!!

ricechickie

I always heard (and felt) that depression is anger turned inward. If I don’t express my anger to others, then I just point it all to myself. That doesn’t mean I have a license to rage against anyone when I feel like it so I don’t get depressed, but I do have the right to stand up for myself and my needs.

sylverling

yeah. I know the feeling.

~seafarer

also with having a lifelong visa to depression, I do understand every word here… thankfully my life is more settled these days and meds keep me somewhat level…… take care my friend……… 🙂

Ana Rose

I have often heard that Depression is just internalized Anger. I don’t know. I think anger and sadness go hand in hand though. Thanks for the kind messages you left on my answering machine! Although I have to admit that I usually sleep until 11 am or noon every day and that’s why I am never awake to answer the phone. Ana gets VERY tired. But I enjoy getting your messages and knowing that you are thinking of me. What a nice start to my day. 🙂 And I know your voice and I know your name so you don’t have to clarify that you are from Opendiary. LOL. I have learned your voice now. :):) I hope all is going well and I hope you have had a wonderful week. Mine has been crazy, busy, tiring, and just blah all in one. Thanks again for thinking of me. I have been thinking of you as well. Love ya buddy! *HUGS*

looking at the writing, i think it’s one of your more powerful pieces. i really connect emotionally. i like the imagery. i like the line about having a residency permit. on a personal note, boy, do i understand this. nice entry. hug.

BeeGirl

I wish I had anger to overcome depression. I’ve been a little depressed myself the past week or so. Friends is a good deterent to depression. I usually try to keep friends around me as much as possible once I realize that I’m falling into the darkness again. At least I’m happy when they’re around. I hope you feel better soon, Cat. One as awesome as you shouldn’t be depressed 🙂

ladylovestheocean

woman in the moon

They’re both natural emotions – well anger is an emotion, depression is… what? a state of being? Some people have more of them, have more reasons for them, others have what seem like decent lives and still are angry and depressed. god i’m depressing myself, and now i’m angry, well i often am… have a good weekend, friend. holidays suck.

LightButHearty

April 10, 2007

Anger is impetus for change…in a good way for me. Anger can be very elevating.