So I’m finally here in San Diego, have been since Saturday. Matt went home on Sunday and I have just been perking up my apartment and going to various orientations since then. I’ve been trying to get out of the house and go do things every night so I don’t just stew in my apartment alone and become a hermit in the meantime. On Monday I just went around running errands. On Tuesday night I went for a bike ride around downtown and then ended up going to a brewery over that way for dinner and a few beers. Tonight I discovered there’s a distillery on the ground floor of my apartment building so I went there for a couple of cocktails and chatted with the bartender about San Diego and hiking until they closed. It was cool. I am, however, a little more than discouraged about making any sort of friends in my orientation class, as per usual. I feel like cliques and friends are already forming among them, and of course I’m not a part of it. Maybe it’s because I’m married, or older, or living alone, or something, but I feel a little left out from all the rest. I just don’t get why it’s so hard for me to make friends…I think I’m a likeable enough person. So I’ve been chatting with my friend Aryn back home about it, and she’s trying to be encouraging. I think it really has a lot to do with the fact that most nurses (young nurses in particular) and I just don’t fundamentally get along or have anything in common. I don’t like to go out partying and get wasted every night and I don’t want to spend all of my time at the beach while I’m here. I want to go hiking, get some culture, go see some shows…stuff like that. But, ffs, does anyone around here like to do anything like that? If so, you wouldn’t know it from the people I have to be around every day.
Maybe it will be different once I get on the floor and am actually working, instead of having these passing interactions with the girls from my orientation. But I guess I just don’t believe that anyone who lives here is going to want to make friends with a travel nurse who’s maybe only going to be here for a few months. I don’t know. I just feel discouraged. And I definitely didn’t want to regret coming here, but I was thinking it today while I was sitting in orientation. Like, why did I leave my cushy and stable job to come to this obviously lesser hospital where so much is uncertain and unknown?? Who the fuck knows. It definitely wasn’t a rational decision, or one that any normal person would make. I feel a little lost.
But I guess I had these same thoughts when I went to Korea as well, and that ended up being the best learning and growing experience for me in the long run. Let’s only hope that this move ends up the same and that I don’t regret the whole thing in the end.