To baby or not to baby

So a couple of days ago was our 4 year anniversary.  We celebrated by going to lunch, going to the Zoo, and then going to dinner.  Nothing too crazy, nothing out of the ordinary.  Let me backtrack a bit though.  I’m 38, almost 39.  Next year I’ll be 40. My husband has no job and had been working on his dissertation to get his PhD for the last 6 years.  I had no idea that this process would take so long, so far as I knew a dissertation should maybe only take 3 or so years to finish, tops (on average this is true).  But apparently he screwed around playing video games for a good chunk of that time, so much so that his dissertation time was doubled.  Now, therein lies the problem.  I had been open to having a kid in my 30s, like that was fine with me, but since he screwed around getting his dissertation done (and my biological clock was ticking in the meantime) I just assumed that he wasn’t really wanting to have kids after all, because if he was I would have thought he would’ve gotten done with it and tried to get a job a lot sooner.  So…fast forward to our anniversary dinner.  We were talking about his job prospects, none of which will pan out for this fall since he still doesn’t even have his PhD in hand, and he mentions something about having a baby.  I seriously thought he was joking or something.  I immediately was like “No.”  I was open to that when I was in my 30s, but we both agreed that we wouldn’t try to have a kid until he gets a job, the chances of which won’t even remotely happen until next fall when I’ll be 40.  Like hell I’m having a kid at 40!!!  So I basically explained to him that I had waited patiently for him to finish his PhD and that I would work to support us both during that time, but that window to have kids would be closed by the time he would even have any chance of getting a job. Having a baby at 40 is very difficult in general, and I know, with my terrible endometriosis and my basically fucked up cycles, that any pregnancy for me would be hell.  Add that to my soon to be advanced maternal age of 40 and you have a gynecological nightmare waiting to happen. He doesn’t get that and he’s upset and resenting me.  But it’s basically his own fault for dicking around with his dissertation for so long.  Well now my clock is winding down and my patience has run out.  I’m not sure if he’ll be able to not resent me for not wanting a baby (and of course I resent him for resenting me), but there’s no way in hell I’m going to have a baby at age 40 (or longer if out doesn’t happen right away) just for him when I don’t want to.  My body my choice, y’all.  What do you all think?

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June 9, 2018

If you’re set on not having children at this point, then don’t do it.

June 9, 2018

I feel the same… Every day, I just asking my self what I want, and honestly I just don’t know. I hope someday, I’ll figure out what I want! Hope you find it soon!

June 9, 2018

If you don’t want a child don’t have one. Forgive me, but I think he’s a “professional student.” There is no reason why he couldn’t work, at least part-time, while pursuing his Ph.D. I doubt he has any intention of working as long as he doesn’t have to. I will say that I heard that pregnancy is a “cure” for endometriosis. Still, I think you are better off not having a child given what you’ve written.