One step at a time

It’s been almost two life changing weeks since we took Bud to the ER for belly pain. We are still reeling from the diagnosis. Yesterday a home health nurse delivered the coup de grace when she told us we had weeks not months before Buds demise. I want to tell her she knows nothing., absolutely nothing about anything. But that is me, the queen of denial talking.  Next week hospice is coming over to make a plan and tell us even more truth.

I can’t play this for time any longer. There is very little time left for us. We’ve tried to cover our bases in just this event but there is no cover for the financial ruin in store me after this is over. God only knows what the final medical bills will look like. The loss of “we” when it comes to me is less than half of our current income. Like everything else in our lives, finances have been easier with combined incomes. We both have funeral plans paid for but that is the least of our problems. One day at a time, one step at a time. I worry about these things but actually, all of my real concern is trying to make these final days as happy for both of us as I can manage.

Today I wish we had bought a sofa instead of two recliners. During this hand holding, hair ruffling, pats on the leg time of our lives it would have been so much easier if we had a sofa. He needs his recliner though. It is oversized, fluffy, and has electronic positioning. He curls up and sleeps like a baby all snug under his Christmas blanket.

It used to drive me crazy because he watched me all of he time as I was going on about my house wifely tasks. I’ll miss that

He always wants to look at the mail first. I thought that was the silliest thing I ever saw, especially since after he looked at the envelopes, he handed me the mail to open and read. I’ll miss that, too.

He loves old time radio and has a jillion Lum and Abner tapes. He play’s one of them every night, our version of a bedtime story. It won’t be the same without hearing him laugh at jokes he’s heard a hundred or more times.

Nothing will ever be the same after he leaves me. We still have today though and with any luck we will have many more tomorrows.

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January 19, 2019

I am so so sorry this is happening to you.  But I know what it’s like I have had several people die on me for no good reason.

January 20, 2019

@jaythesmartone Thank you, Jay.  I know we never get over such things. I also know we can get through but it is awful, painful and so very sad,

January 19, 2019

Aw, Nancy. There is nothing I can say. Except that I love you.

January 20, 2019

@bonnierose Thank you, Bonnie. The feeling is mutual, you know.

January 19, 2019

Thinking of you and Bud this evening.  Sending you light and healing strength.

January 20, 2019

@wildrose_2 Thank you for your support. It matters.

January 20, 2019

This hurts to read, I can feel your pain through the writing. Thinking of you both…

January 20, 2019

@cherrywine_1 Thank you for your note. I appreciate each word and every thought.