A little secret

Still getting used to this new OD format.

It’s all a bit exciting that it’s back again, sort of like a long lost friend. Fun.

Speaking of long lost friends, I reconnected with one of my old mates back in Australia. It wasn’t a long conversation but it was nice to hear from her again. Back when I left Australia she was a bit messed up, not in a great place. She apologized today for any hurt she caused. She didn’t really, I knew she was struggling but it’s wonderful how time and maturity can prevent you from sweating the small stuff. No point in holding grudges and being unkind. I’d much rather have my friends than not have them.

Its been 9 long years since I moved to the US. It’s gone in the blink of an eye but hasn’t been without its trials. I can’t tell you I’m the same person I was, life changes people. I never expected the difficulties I’ve encountered. I jumped on that plane fresh faced and eager for adventure. I’m no less adventurous but I haven’t exactly had the opportunity to live out my potential. No one expects shitty stuff to happen, I had a really good life in Australia and I naively expected it just to follow me here. It’s not that I haven’t had good times here, more that the bad and sad and tough have often overshadowed anything even remotely good. Reflecting back on everything I’d say it’s made me stronger, taught me that perseverance and patience deliver rewards but on occasion I have succumbed to weakness.

I suppose that’s another reason I’m pinning so much hope on the next few months. I desperately need a change of pace, something to look forward to! 9 years is a long time to set aside your own goals, hopes and dreams to focus on others.

I really really want to let my little secret out of the bag but I’m terribly superstitious and worried I might jinx everything if I blab it all now. Not only that, I have this awful fear of failure. There’s nothing nice about having to eat humble pie because you jumped the gun too early. So I’ll hang on to this for a few more months in hopes that everything pans out as I’m hoping – but it will be a challenge! It’s not entirely selfish. Sure, there’s an element of me that will be very satisfied with this success but it will definitely benefit my family as well! Oh gosh!!! Somebody stop me… blab blab blab Lol.

I’m cuddled up on the couch after a long day at work with my smallest human, there’s not much that makes me happier!

Night all.

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March 25, 2018

This all is a bit like long lost friends.  I had quit writing by the time OD went dark… and I didn’t think much of it…  but little things would creep in occasionally and I would wonder how these people who I read about day after day were doing and I didn’t know how much I missed the interaction.

March 25, 2018

@bambamgotchatwice Oh yeah. My last entry prior to today was 2012, a good few years prior to OD disappearing. There were a few years there when I didn’t know what to write, who to confide in. More of that fear of failure. You become so close to some people that you don’t want to write about stuff that may make them judge you. At least that’s how I felt. Most of my old friends must have deleted their diaries because they’re no longer here. Some have changed their names and some I can’t remember if I know them outside of here or not!

March 26, 2018

I totally understand those fears <3

March 27, 2018

Hello you gorgeous girl! I’ve missed you!!! Excited to hear you are coming home. I wish you would just blab!

March 27, 2018

@meltingmoments Lol. I’m not coming home quite yet. Not permanently anyway!

Oh you want me to blab??? Lol… patience! If it’s worth telling then you’ll hear about it soon enough!