Sometimes I feel like a ghost

Sometimes I feel like a ghost. It’s almost impossible to describe. I feel unimportant and small. I feel discarded and shoved aside. I feel like I used to matter but I don’t anymore.

I guess maybe it has to do with a sort of ego death? I’m not even sure what that means, but… my life used to be very exciting. Every night was a new adventure. Every month a new party in a new city, VIP backstage all the time. Doing bumps with celebrities. Now I just sit at home every day. No one comes over. I have no family. I’ve stopped speaking to my abusive mother and my sisters have chosen not to speak to me as a result. It’s more complicated than that, but…

yeah, I don’t know. I can’t tell if I’m really sad about it or if I’ve just never had downtime before. I mean, it’s not really downtime. Every moment is taken up by the baby… yeah it’s just really hard to describe. But sometimes I just feel like a ghost.