The Beginning of the End

If I try to pinpoint the exact day that was the beginning of the end, I am not sure that I could; except for maybe our first date! I had avoided loving him and tried to keep thing casual and not emotional with Aex, but we just sucked each other in like a vortex. I was crazy about him and we were addicted to each other. When I came back from Dubai, I asked him if he loved me and told he did and I knew the day that we were shopping in Grove City that I was hopelessly in love with him and didnt have a clue what to do about it. I was still talking to alok and was getting even more confused. Things really took a terrible dive in February because I knew Alok planned to visit me for his judgement and I wanted to know if Alex was only seeing me for sure like he said. I had suspicions but didnt want to condemn him if he was innocent.

I decided to go thru Alex’s phone one night right before Aloks visit. The things I saw were extremely suspicious and some of then confirmed, Alex was sleeping with multiple individuals and telling me that I was it for him. I had gotten rid of every guy I had here and I was probably getting rid of Alok after his visit, leaving just alex for me. However, Alex wasnt just sleeping or talking to just one girl…there were at least three others and from the looks, he reached out to them every single night that we fought or every single time we couldnt spend the night together, which was about 4 days a week….I felt like I didnt have the right to be mad all because of alok and my relationship with him behind Alex’s back. What u have here is two people that have serious trust issues and are terrible decision making procrastinators. I talked with Alex before Aloks visit and gave him a million chances to confess and all he did was deny my right to the answers that I already have and lie.So I stayed quiet and told him I was going to michigan and would see him in a week. I spent time with Alok during that week. We slept in the same bed, kissed and cuddled but never slept together. No matter how hard I tried, I wasnt attracted to him and it seemed that he had the same trouble because he could become erect but the minute we tried anything past kissing, he went limp immediately. Intercourse was absolutely impossible! I wasnt disappointed that he couldnt keep his penis erect because I really felt terrible like I was outright cheating on Alex and I was!! Finally, one day when I was sleeping, on Wednesday, Alok decided to go through my text history with Aled. The text messages went clear back to november. He asked how much of them was bantering and how much was true and what I wanted from him. I told Alok that I was in love with Alex and didnt know what to do about it and then I said that he should see other people in Dubai. I told him that I couldnt choose between the two of them and I needed time to figure out what to do about Alex and that I was going to try to get rid of Alex and wasnt sure what my decision was on him yet either.He agreed to give me three weeks.

A few days after Alok went back to Dubai, I had alex over. I again went through his phone while he was sleeping and The texts were terrible! He slept with 8 girls while I was with Alok during a short time. Again, I said nothing!!! Looking back on it now, I realize how FUCKING stupid I was. OMG!!!!! Somehow we managed an arguement about Alok again. During that time he said we should take a break. I texted back "ya we should cuz I went to michigan because I had gone thru your phone and found out u were sleeping around and I wanted to give u some time without me to figure out what u wanted. Then when I came back and went thru ur phone again and found out what uve been doing while I was gone. Right lets take a break!" well somehow he convinced me that it was his effort to get rid of me as well and we both failed because we just love each other too much! Gosh the shit he told me was so fucking romantic! He loved me too much to keep himself from me? OMG that is so the love that I want! How do I make these other girls go away? how do I make him just want me? Somehow after a week,  we were in each others arms again and teasing him that I thought he wanted a break. That night I told him how much I loved him and how we either needed to commit to each other or leave each other for good. He said he couldnt trust me and was gonna stop seeing the girls for himself because he was starting to sleep with so many girls even he was starting to feel guilty.We continued to argue and I was crying, sobbing the porch saying that he shouldnt have come back because it hurt so much and that we cant be together. When he went to leave, I cried so hard and he just couldnt go. We agreed to work things out and agreed to a blank slate right then and there. The other girls were gone and there would b noone but alex…as soon as I thought I could trust Alex so I continued really to talk to alok. And he of course, continued to see other girls. I could tell most of them were just sex except for Jackie. I was working hard a weekend in late march and preparing for a visit to dubai in april. Alex cancelled our plans suddenly and decided to mysteriously go to a friends party in cleveland for the weekend. I was not happy was was pissed when he sent me a pic of him and I recognized the house he was in front of. That fucking picture was the defining moment when a switch went off and I snapped. THIS was the beginning of the end.

The picture he sent me was the same house that he was at during a mysterious christmas party. Im sure he was at a girls house with that party. Im done and getting to the bottom of this shit! Alex and I decided to go shopping. I had him in my car with nowhere to go. He would be forced to answer me now. I decided to ask "Alex, remember that christmas party that u sent me pics of? Whose party was it? The lesbians?" And he said ya baby why? I said because I remember exactly whose house u ssaid it was and it wasnt theirs…ur sure that party was theres? he said yes baby…and I said "baby I love u and I plan on being with u for a long time. If u introduce me to ur lesbian friends and that is not their house, Im gonna flip shit and there is gonna be hell! So was it a girl that u used to see, a girl your seeing now?" and he replied "it was a girl that I used to see" BINGO! he admits that it was an ex’s house and goes pale white when I ask "and u were there this weekend? right? why were u with her and wtf am i supposed to think??" I should have walked away right in that moment. I was hurt, confused and finally caught him blatantly in the lie, showed him proof and was now listening to more lies as he told me that jackie was a close friend that he didnt sleep with this weekend and that he was totally ready for a serious relationship with me and was gonna leave jackie alone. I told him to find a new fucking friend. He told me that people in glass houses shouldnt throw stones. he asked me if I was still talking to Alok. I told him I wasnt and inv ited him tp go thru my phone. He didnt go thru my phone and I forgot about the challege by the time we had calmed down and settled into bed.


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