I left my paper diary at home. There is too many people in this house that Im not normally around. Im in myrtle beach with my family and my most recent bf is flying down on thursday. I cant wait to see him! Its crazy! I know that was trying to not date anyone for a while but I think Dave is exactly the kind of person that I need to soothe the deep scars that Alex and Scott left on my soul. I could build a temporary scab but I need someone to go over my wounds like a healing balm and try to show me some honest kindness and loyalty. We all have our faults but Dave is really worth my time and attention and worth giving it a shot with. Will told me today that he is moving to pittsburgh. It turns out that he is moving in with some girl. I have a feeling that hes really a user but its nice to have a friend. His relationship tendencies are not my problem. Its gonna b quite the test of loyalty for Dave. I managed to avoid being disloyal to him this whole time and simply havent really left the condo and Im just kind of waiting for him, but in real life where there are places to go and people to see, I need to learn how to b faithful and love someone thats healthy and can love me back. I know Im desperate to feel a little but of love thats normal and real and that the other guys failed to provide me with. Im really gonna work on it. I dont want to cause more problems with myself, but its a lot easier to find myself when the romance aspect of my life is filled and Im not trying to battle those demons. The scars that alex left are still so fresh and really hurt a ton. I saw a wedding on a beach today and just started to cry because I realized how much I want that and how far away I am to getting it. I just want to feel like I have met the one person thats gonna love me for the rest of my life. I want that one love thats gonna b forever and that noone can come between or stray us away from. I also want a united front to the rest of the world. I wanna b half of that perfect couple that everyone talks about. I know this is idealistic romanticism but this is really what I want and hope that I deserve. I have consistently tried to be a good person but I hope its in my future that I can b happy. I want the cat, the white pickett fence and the kids with the husband that lights my heart on fire and turns my blood to lava in bed and out of it. I just hope thats in the cards for me.
Vacation has been nice. We play alot in the pool and I went to the beach for the first time today. I found one of the really big crabs that are orange and blue that people eat in restaurants on the beach buried in the sand. It pinched moms flip flop and I screamed. We dug up big sand fleas too for bait for two hot guys. I already read one book while I have been here and starting on the second tonight. Dave will b here thursday to provide further entertainment. Idk what those days will bring, but I cant wait to have him by my side.