I survived the day waiting for my ultrasound. Barely. I worked through lunch as my anxiety was awful and I needed to stay busy.
It was rough staying away from Google. Basically every time I googled I wanted to cry. Each result left me with the same feeling – My baby wasn’t going to make it.
We had the same ultrasound tech. She’s super nice but I’m often frustrated she doesn’t let me see the screen. I know there isn’t much to see but I’ve done this enough I can pick up what’s on the screen myself. That’s probably the reason she turns it I guess.
She began and I got ready to wait far too long and was absolutely terrified she wouldn’t find a heartbeat. Immediately, she turned the screen and told me she still had to do all her measurements but she wanted me to see and not be terrified the whole time. (She’s getting to know me well.) Baby was right there. More than double the size as last Friday. Measuring exactly a week ahead of last. Heart Rate 167 BPM. She isn’t showing any sign of decline or growth slowing down. She’s literally perfect for today.
I am so thankful and so confused. I’m sure my fertility clinic will call in the morning. I have questions on this HCG level. How can it be so slow to rise and this baby be okay? Am I at a higher risk of miscarriage because of the slow rise? At this point, with a great heart rate, should I be worried or focused on the HCG? So many questions.
They finally documented my SCH. So, no it isn’t gone. It’s actually slightly bigger. Go figure. It’s sitting right above the baby it appears. Ugh. So, I don’t even need to talk to the doctor for that – Continued pelvic rest, no lifting, no exercise, nothing extra, relax as much as I can. Basically, I’ll continue to be on my ass except for my 2-3 waitressing shifts a week. At this point I’d quit those if they say it’ll heal quicker but they said to I could maintain the same level of activity with that and to just sit as I can. Which I’m doing. The only good thing about the SCH is the ultrasounds I should continue getting. Other than that, it sucks. I’m doing zero exercising to avoid unnecessary stress or bleeding. This makes me feel like I’m just sitting around getting fat and it’s far too early to be getting big. Ughhhh. I’ll do whatever it takes to get a healthy baby. However, this sucks.
So, now I’m back to waiting. The fertility clinic should call tomorrow morning with an update on what they want from the results today. I see my OBGYN Wednesday. I’m hoping he’ll nicely schedule me for another ultrasound Friday before the holiday weekend and spending way too much time home and thinking about the worst case scenarios for that many days. In the meantime, I’m just trying to stay sane and positive.
30ish to 32ish more weeks and I WILL be holding this beautiful baby girl in my arms. I need to. I want to. I must.